I'm a little lost as to what to do. My brother-in-law and his partner have a little boy who is roughly the same age as my daughter and he is consistently unwell. Just recently they have come over to see us and their little boy was coughing all over the place and putting all my daughter's toys in his mouth. Turns out he has hand foot and mouth, which he has had before, and they still brought him over. It makes me really angry as I am always considerate with anything that could be passed on and keep my daughter away from others if she is contagious.
Not only that, but yesterday I found my daughter had unusual lumps on her legs so I took her to the GP and they said she has a bacterial skin infection. I was scratching my head trying to figure out how she got that as I always change her nappy straight away and she bathes every day. I found out today that the same little boy has bad nappy rashes and skin infections on his bum and his mum insisted on using my changetable when they were here the other day. I am now convinced this is where my daughter has got it from.
How do I bring this up with her because I am really cranky and angry that they do not have the common decency to keep their sick kid away from mine and mine has to suffer because of them!
Am I being unreasonable? I know kids get sick, but they have no common sense as to when to keep their son away from others.
7 Replies
If this is your husbands family then he should bring it up. It's just usually taken better when it comes from the immediate family member.
He should just say, daughter had to go to the Drs the other day, because she caught what your son had (don't go into details). We love seeing you guys and don't want to make you feel bad, but next time if your child is unwell could you give us the heads up/cancel.
Then if the child turns up unwell again ask them to leave.
I have a son who even the tiniest cold can turn into a hospital trip for a week on a drip. This kind of thoughtlessness annoys me no end!
I grew up with the same situation with my mum, if we brought home colds she would end up in hospital so have always been very aware of things like this. However, the problem is we dread them coming over in the first place, they do nothing but complain about circumstances they have put themselves in (the partner, not my brother-in-law, I get along with him quite well) and she brings the whole tone of every gathering down because everything needs to be about her. For example, we were obviously pregnant at the same time, but because I didn't complain about being pregnant, even though I hated it, I had it easy whereas she had the worst pregnancy ever.
I suppose I'm just getting to the point where I am over the drama this person brings and the fact that every time we see them my child gets sick makes it worse
Do they come uninvited? Just start spreading there visits out to a distance you can handle!
Put a time limit on there visits if they do come uninvited. If someone turns up here I'll say 'I've got somewhere I have to be at x time so I only have time for a quick cup of tea' when you want them to leave start prepping to walk out that door! Even if it means you drive around the block lol
My sons sick and guess what I kept him home all week. He's incredibly board but I'm not going to give his cold to others. If we need to go out as I'm single we stay away from playgrounds. Talk to them and tell them to keep him home when sick or they will be asked to leave
Please speak up for yourself. Tell her Sharing is Caring but when it comes to colds/flu's and viruses can she please not bring her child around near your child. My sister and I have 9 kids between us. When my babies were younger I told her straight up that if the kids were sick she needed to ensure she didn't bring them around my kids. As they've gotten older of its just a cold we deal with it but if it's anything else gastro etc then the answer is no. This is about you standing up and using your voice and making yourself heard. It's not just up to your husband and it doesn't have to be a nasty talk, it just has to be calm and collected. Kids are going to catch colds, they are going to get sick and it helps their immune systems if they're occasionally allowed to get sick. But if it's something like hand foot and mouth which is highly contagious then she should know better than to bring her child into contact with others because then they cycle just starts all over again. Doesn't matter who's family it is. His or yours you want the outcome to be the same. You still want contact but you don't want your daughter catching anything that can be prevented.
My way of dealing with this sort of thing was always to discreety wipe everything the sick visitors have come into contact with with an antibacterial/disinfectant wipe before my kids touch it. Change table, high chair, toys, surfaces, everything. Including all the things that the parents have touched (taps, door handles, light switches, toilet flush buttons etc) if they have used your bathroom or whatever. The bacteria are on their hands too, even if they're not sick. I only do it if they don't see. I would just steer my kid in a different direction if I haven't wiped something they've used and they're still in the room with you. (If they are the kind of friends who would be understanding that I just want to avoid the germs - not judge them or think badly of them, then I'd just do it in front of them, and offer them the wipes for themselves if they would find it helpful!). We're all in the same boat, just trying to keep the household running without getting knocked down by the winter bugs. Colds are unavoidable, and I rarely see the need to do this, but when your kids have just recovered from one nasty bug, and winter germs are out in full force, you'd do just about anything to avoid the nightmare of sick babies and kids again! Good luck xo
UPDATE: I spoke to her about it, quite calmly and polite even, and now she's telling everyone I rang her and abused her! Can't win I suppose, but I guess the fact that she's no longer talking to me means my daughter won't be catching anything from her son