Is there life on the other side of Ice ?? There's still love , but it's questionable .... There's no trust what so ever , there's a mass amount of worry every time he walks out the door alone .... There's remorse for what he's done, but he can be cocky and an arsehole when I question where he's going what he's doing and who he's seen !! I chose to stay , I could have walked ... I have to live with that , but every time something comes up I wonder if I've made the right choice !! Will that ever change ?? Am I kidding myself to think that I can forgive ? It's only been a short time since I found out about all of the lies and horrible things he's done, does it get any better ?? Will I always feel like this ?? Is this my life now ??
I don't want to be insecure nagging or controlling , but under the circumstances I can't seem to stop !! Am I killing anything we had because of his fuck ups ?? ... There's plenty more to the story , but I'm sure what ever you imagine won't even cover the half of it !! You couldn't make the shit up if you tried !!
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5 Replies
As someone who dated a drug addict and alcoholic I can tell you now, it's not you damaging the relationship.
Yes the relationship can recover IF the addict is prepared to get treatment AND if they are prepared to be an open book and accountable for where they are, who they are with and what they are spending money on.
No you should not trust your partner until he consistently proves himself over a long period of time. If he isn't prepared to do that the relationship will not work. Drug addicts by definition are liars and sneaky.
I'd also advise you get yourself some counselling. You are going to need someone to talk to.
Yes you decided to stay, but that doesn't mean you can't decide to leave at any point. It's ok to say the damage is done and there is no coming back, and you should leave if he isn't seeking professional help for his addiction and isn't following professionals advice.
I couldn't. I had to leave. I was still madly in love with him and we were together for 10 years since high school but he was just toxic and in the end dangerous. Leaving was the best thing I ever did. 10 years on and with a new husband and a 5 year old o think I only truly got over it maybe a year ago and that was after talking so much stuff through with him. It took a lot of time. You have to do what's best for you. If he won't help himself you can't help him. And there are only so many times you can try before you're just being abused.
My brother in law was really bad addicted, to the point he was hallucinating extremely. My sister is so straight, she is against cigarettes. She decided to fight for her marriage and get him help. To look at him now, you would never know that he touched it. He has come a long way, but it took lots of work. A massive amount of trust was broken and that doesn't repair overnight. My ex also went through it, not to the extent my brother in law did, but still bad. He also got past it and doesn't touch it anymore.
Hi my partner used ice behind my back and well before we got together. It scares me still when he goes somewhere without me or things like that. I've set a circle for him the moment he brakes my circle he is out and his family will be the first to know. They are like me hate drugs. If you can get councilling done and build that bridge not with match sticks but stones. I know it's not easy please if you need a chat I'm here xx
Its a hard thing to get over i still question my partner and if he says he is going to meet up with one of his druggie mates i literally have anxiety attacks, but when me and my soon to be hubby got together he was into all the rave partys and drugs i told him i couldnt enter a relationship with thise things around as i had my daughter to think about(previous relationship) so he stopped all the excess drugs on the condition he could continue smoking a little bit if pot here and there so i agreed, my partner says he still misses the partying 4 years on but he also loves what he has now, he did have a relapse 2 years ago and i litterally lost my shit when he finally told me the truth (i already new), but by me going off my tree and threatening to take the kids away and i told him he wouldnt be able to see them whilst he is on any drugs that was it he promised that was it no more because me and our kids ment more then that to him, its now been 2 years since touching any pills or ice or trips and he is happy he still bring it up once in a blue moon but i just have to give him the look and he changes his additude, but when he told everyone he couldnt do it anymore he did loose alot of friends as they were all involved i guess he just had to remove himself from temptation, and now we are planning a wedding my soon to be hubby is looking healthy again and we are happy, so yes there is life on the other side of the ice :) i hope it works out for you and you and your partner can work past this, sit down have a serious convo with him and warn him you are just going to lay it all out on the table all your worries and fears, tell him you are there for him