My fiance and I are getting married in March next year and I'm having a lot of doubts about my relationship, but we have an 18 month old son so I'm struggling with the right decision.
We have been together 4 years and in the early stages of our relationship (first year ish) I found him messaging other girls, but he always claimed it was someone on his account or a joke so I let it go.
After I gave birth to our son he made multiple dating accounts. I questioned him about them several times but he always denied making them until one day he came home and found me (and could tell I was almost ready to leave) and eventually admitted that he made them, but then continued on to say that he loved me and didn't want to lose me and that nothing ever happened and he just made them in a moment of weakness. I forgave him, but told him that I couldn't tolerate him lying to me anymore, and that if he continued to do so that I would leave.
I have just recently went on a weekend holiday with some of my family members and my fiance chose to stay home (as he had to work). I have just checked his internet history (my bad) and found out that he was googling brothels in the area and attempted to call them. The calls only lasted for a few seconds, which I don't understand, but he still went to all that trouble so he must have been considering it. (He watched porn after this so I doubt that he actually went to a brothel).
I just don't know when enough is enough. I honestly don't enjoy having sex with him and I never really have, but he's my first and my only so I have no idea if it's supposed to be better or if this is it, you know? I can't tell my family or friends because word will spread and they already dislike him a little. I just don't know what the right thing to do is. I have to think about my son as well and if I'm being totally honest, I am terrified. I'm only 20 years old and I have a minimal support system where we live now. (and I'm totally rambling in type, oops, I'll stop here). Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all so much!
Relationship doubts because of potential cheating fiance. Please help?
Relationship doubts because of potential cheating fiance. Please help?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt
7 Replies
You both sound no where near ready to get married next year.
Your partner has consistently cheated on you. Messaging other women, calling brothels (and hanging up), joining dating sites are all versions of cheating.
You've given him multiple chances and each time he has betrayed you. You shouldn't trust him. If you marry him, this will be your life.
Yes you have a son but separating now will be better for your son and does not mean he won't have a relationship with dad. It will teach your son, that women should respect themselves, and that men should respect them, and that healthy relationships is all he should expect as an adult.
If you stay you will find yourself esteem and psychological well being will continue to drop until you are so broken down you think this is all you deserve. Let me tell you now, you deserve so very very much better and being a single mum at 20 is far better than being in a crappy relationship for the rest of your life.
I say this from experience, I've raised my son myself since I was 20. He has not been damaged and he knows he has a proud, strong, happy mother, who expects her son to have more respect for women than to cheat every chance he gets!
If you are still unsure please go organise yourself some counselling to help you decide. Preparing to get married, to the love of your life should be exciting and you should be looking forward to a life of mutual respect and trust. None of that sounds present in your case.
100% agree with this
It would be a mistake to get married with this many doubts in your mind.
Relationships are about trust and enjoying each other's company.
Now is enough lovely. Thats enough. If you didn't have his kid you'd be gone long ago. Your friends don't like him for a reason. You can be happier than this.
I agree with the other ladies.
You drew the line years ago and told him not to do it again, and guess what, he did.
He sounds as though he lacks the maturity for marriage right now and it also sounds like he is struggling with the decision the be with one woman and forsake all others!
Do not stay for the sake of your son, he will adjust and be happy. I fear if you stay these doubts will always be in the back of your mind, and you definitely dont want to be the wife who is always scanning his call history or internet use as it will drive you crazy.
Leave him! Or at least have some relationship counselling. You deserve better than this. The best indicator of future behaviours is relevant past behaviour (yes as said by Dr PHIL) & if he's continued to breach your trust chances are he will keep doing it. You are stronger than you think!! Good luck mumma, at 20 you have your whole life ahead of you, don't spend it wondering what your partner is up too.
You don't like sex with man. Your only 20 you have your whole life.. If you marry him you rob him and yourself of finding someone you both truly bond with on all levels. Your son will be fine when his mumma is happy. Trust your instinct while it feels not right it isn't. He knows he's not happy wth you as he is seeking away to satisfy his sexual need elsewhere. You wouldn't buy shoes that don't fit. mumma make your own plans, take care of you, find your own interests and love n life will find you. Good luck