My youngest daughter now 17 expressed an interest in attending particular sporting event with her Dad nearly two years ago.
They attended the odd event and this year she was approached and asked if she wanted to have some promotional employment by the promoter.
Fast forward three months later and I have found that:
Unknown to us they had maintained contact by at the very least messaging each other over the last 18 months or so.
Since my daughter turned 17 in January, despite living with his partner of approx four years and their son, this now 27 year old escalated his interest in my daughter.
It explains to us now I guess why we seemed to start to have lots of issues with her regarding school attendance etc
He has been at our house without our knowledge within the last two years, he states very proudly almost taunting after putting a picture of it online that it wasn't until she turned 17 and he likes them young and naive, prefers 17-21, his current supposed partner just turned 22.
Now my daughter is refusing to come home, They have been sharing a room at hotel and even went interstate for two nights.
He rang me and was disgusting, stating that she was his now plus lots of other things that would indicate he is psychologically unsound, drugs may be involved?
I have also confirmed that he did physically and emotionally abuse his first wife as well as supposed current partner, I have been in contact with both of them, even one of their fathers has been in touch to confirm all of this.
My daughter is now being verbally abusive to all of us and refuses to believe any of the information.
As a family we are devastated, her older sisters are stunned, my husband can hardly speak he is so angry.
There is nothing we can do legally. I feel helpless. What do we do? How do we deal with this? I've told her the door is always open for her.
7 Replies
That's all you can do, and wait for her to come home. Sadly she is going to have to learn the hard way.
I'm really sorry it's so hard watching them make big mistakes x
Just be there for her - let her know even though this has happened you will always be there for her. Send her postcards/birthday cards/etc letting her know you're always there.
I was with a disgusting man when I was 13-17, he was heavily into drugs and my parents were aware, the age gap wasn't as big as in your situation but I was emotionally manipulated and abused by him for the entire 4yrs. I look back and believe my parents handled it in the best possible way they could have done. They supported me (I have no idea how they managed it as being a parent now myself im not sure I could). They accepted him into our home, acknowledged our relationship and supported me every single time I came home in a total state. I look back and think if they had done it any other way I would have rebelled and they would have been 'the enemy'. They held it together and through their positive and "normal" relationship I was kept grounded and knew that how he was treating me was wrong. I turned to my mum when things were bad instead of shutting her out and she would support me, she would never bad mouth him but would agree his behaviour was not acceptable, then when I took him back AGAIN she was still not deemed the bad guy for bad mouthing him. I take my hat off to her as if my parents had become my enemy I would not be half the person I am today and I am forever grateful for both my parents (my dad was really angry like your partner when I reflect back).
Maybe invite them over as a couple? Accept it and be prepared for all that is coming. If he's not causing conflict the relationship will not be exciting to him, he will not be able to isolate her from you if you're not against them. It will be really really hard. But it's a suggestion from someone who has been in your daughters shoes, young and naive.
Best of luck, stay united with your partner and you will remain stronger than any force xx
I was in a similar situation as a teen.
Don't bring him up or argue with her just pretend all is well be there for her so she knows she can turn to you when things fall apart.
At 16 I was involved wit a older man because my father kicked me out I was with him for 3 years being abused and raped while I was pregnant with our child at 17 he gave me a std which has caused significant disabilities in our son . Thankfully I managed to get away and met a wonderful man who is very supportive and helping me raise my son as his.
When I had just turned 18 I moved out of a very normal middle class home to live with a 35 year old man. I loved him totally. He was two steps ahead of everything my parents said or did. So each time my parents came up with a rational reason he wasn't good for me he had already prepared me with an answer. Never overtly. He was just a good manipulator. I knew about a year and a half in that he wasn't good for me but couldn't come home. My mother had said the 'door is open' but the whole family's actions meant it was really closed. I stayed with him for 7 years. Try to get her siblings to understand, be open, don't ridicule. Your best option is for her to feel she's worth more than what this guy has to offer. But, right now he's her world and you won't convince her otherwise.
Unfortunately this man is known well in our community. My advice, don't give him power by the attention. He lost interest in his first wife because she became more famous than his little town fame could control, so he now just pretends she doesn't exist (as well as their son). He is no longer interested in his current partner because she doesn't create the attention that he needs. At the beginning she(his recent partner)was his ticket to not looking like such a bad guy after his famous ex wife shamed him to the world. He was sitting pretty, but what he truely craves is the social media attention. And your giving him exactly that.
You need to let your daughter know that she is loved and that when she is ready she is alway welcome home.
I have watched this pathetic excuse for a man do this too many times. And it devistates me that the strong men and women that he has surrounding him, refuse to call him on his abhorrent behaviour.
My other advise is to shame his business.
That's his "baby" after all. It doesn't take much these days to give a business a bad name.
Target the people who support him (the sportsmen and women) and let them know what they are truely supporting. Without players he has no game to play!
And no money.
I know it's hard right now, and I'm very sorry for what your going through. He will get what's coming to him eventually.
My alarm bells would have rung when she was asked to be a promotional girl. I don't believe in that and the fact a girl is first picked for her body then her possible ability in sports is disgusting. Sadly not much you can do but stay within contact with her and give her an open place to run to when shit hits the fan.