I'm standing on the edge. My partner and I are on the edge of breaking. We have two beautiful boys together, they're my world. I don't want them to have two homes. I don't want there to be a Dads & Mums. I don't want them to be at Dads when they want to be at Mums. I have a step daughter and she sometimes cries for Mum & wants to go home &it breaks my heart. I don't want that for my boys. But if I stay I won't be able to be free to be myself and be happy...most of the time I think that's ok. Until my oldest sees I'm unhappy. Starting over alone scares me stiff. I already feel alone but starting from scratch by myself seems almost too scary to comprehend. Do I leave for me or stay for my kids? Part of me doesn't trust their father to look after them properly if we did split.
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Kids cry for their mum at daycare, when they have a night out, when they go away for work. We won't always be there but they know we will come back, and that there are other people in the world who love them. You're looking through guilty eyes. Separation can work well, especially if you cant be happy while staying.
Is there a chance to fix it?
Please don t stay if it is an abusive relationship, but if it is a matter of love gone stale, or disagreements with money/housework/child rearing is there maybe a way it could be resolved?
Im not suggesting that you 'stay for the children' but i just feel that i read in your story that theres a significant part of you that doesnt want to leave, perhaps you just need change?
I hope i havent offended
You poor love, I feel for you I really do. But you have to think of number 1, you and your kids! Your kids won't be happy in a house full of resentment with no love. It will be unbelievably hard to start with but you will get there. I recently went through a horrible time where my partner (of 13 years) and I almost split up because he kissed a female work colleague which lead to an emotional affair, and he was unsure if he wanted to be with me or her. It was the hardest few days of my life, thinking about the 'what if's' and wondering how I would manage. He 'chose' me but its still so uncertain. So fresh, so raw. Believe in yourself and do what's beat for you and your kids. One day will meet someone amazing and your kids will get to see what pure love is. Best of luck! X