I've been out all day with a friend & I come home to hubby and the 3 kids to find out that my hubby has smacked our 3 year old so hard that he has left marks all over him....all because he shit his pants (he's toilet training)
I'm so fucking furious & disgusted that he could be so angry with him to actually hurt him....it's just not ok! I don't know what to do? I'm not a smacker, I'm ok with the fact that hubby is but we had come to the agreement that if he really must smack it's just to be a tap on the butt or hand as a warning. I don't want to start a smacking debate, I don't even know what I'm asking but I just feel sick to my stomach and I don't know if I can forgive him. Am I being too precious? Obviously I can't help the way I feel, but it's the 2nd time it's happened.....is this alarm bells for child abuse??? Please help
I should add that I told him that if he ever lays a finger on him again that it will be the end of us.
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6 Replies
I think if you've smacked a kid so hard you've left a mark you are not in control of your own behaviour. Plus snacking a child who is being toilet trained for having an accident is just so very very wrong!
I don't think you are being too precious I'd be flipping my lid.
I think hubby needs some big help regarding parenting skills.
I think this is the second time it's happened if be documenting the injuries, with photos and telling hubby he needs to find sonewhere else to stay until you guys can get some outside support and help.
Yes it is! Oh my lord your poor three year old he does not deserve that it is much too much. As above said, for toilet training is so wrong, it shows an unfair expectation of the child, and anyway who could punish their own baby that way for anything. Red flags. The question is, what are you going to do? Once, ok we give the benefit our husband doesnt 'do this' twice proves he does. Its time to separate them to protect your baby mama.
I'm the same as you.. I am not a smacker, and although my partner believes I'm being soft we've had an agreement that he is to respect my wishes and never ever smack our child. If my partner did this to our child, he'd be out the door. Once things had cooled, I'd arrange parenting counselling together to see if we can over come the issue and help him learn that that is not how to deal with that situation.
I'm so furious for you!
Maybe it would be a good idea to go to a parenting workshop together. Learn new strategies for discipline, what behaviour requires discipline (not a toilet accident!) and be on the same page.
I'd also refrain from leaving him to look after the kids on his own until you can be sure that he can control himself.
I'm just going to say if your partner has smacked so hard and by the sounds of it all over your child's body hard enough to leave marks all over his body then NO this is not ok (not ok for a toileting accident in general!) but the biggest thing for me is you have previously put your demands on the table on how things are to be done... Have you given your partner, the father of your children a voice when it comes to discipline?? Or is it simply your way or the highway? And secondly you told him if it happened again you were done! That's your answer- if you are going to threaten it and it happens again then show him you are serious, don't go back on your word or it will continue to happen without consequence. If you say you are going to do something hen follow through!!
I Would be going to the doctors and getting it documented just in case in the future you do break up and he gets to have the kids alone. If he can't handle them for a day over something so little what happens if you split over it and he loses it way more then what he did. You need to protect your babies. I would be fkn furious. Yes they do our heads in and make us crazy but to beat him is not acceptable, he is a poor defensless boy.