I have come to the conclusion that at 40 years of age, I don't know what love is.
I was never very self-confident and didn't have the best self esteem, and married the first person to show any kind of interest in me, despite knowing he gambled heavily and was a very strong willed person. It turned out that he only wanted a maid and someone to look after the two children we created. He was verbally abusive and controlling. I finally got rid of him 6 years ago, when I found out he was cheating on me in a gay relationship.
Since then, I have had 2 very short relationships with men I have met online, but they didn't work out because they seemed to only want sex, not a relationship. Friends with benefits, but would have nothing to do with my children, only visiting fortnightly when they were with their Dad for the weekend.
Over the past year, I have become very close to someone from my high school days, a teacher I had a crush on and looked up to so much. The crush became real and I have enabled him to cheat on his wife. This can't be love, as he loves his wife and family is very important to him.
Not really sure what my question is, but how do I find someone that will want to stay with me and love me wholly, and what does it feel like?
What is real love?
What is real love?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Self Care
3 Replies
I'm 41. I married my first bf and we split when I was 34. Long story but he was an arse.
I've had a few relationships since and a few one night stands. One married guy. I never thought I'd be that woman but I guess I was the same as you and didn't know what love really was.
Firstly, end it with the teacher. Think about his wife. Would you wish that upon her?
As for love you can't define it. It's a feeling. It's the ability to love and be loved. It's trust. It's forgiveness (because love isn't perfect).
I've been with my partner for over 5 years and I'm crazy in love. I tell him regularly. He tells me too and not always in words. Sometimes it's by stroking my hair till I fall asleep. Sometimes it's making me a coffee in the morning. Sometimes it's in words.
You'll know.
It takes time and a bit of luck. And often you have to date a lot of people to meet the right guy.
It's ok to go on 100 first dates enjoy them for what they are, be clear that you aren't looking for a friends with benefits thing before the date and don't feel pressured to have sex early, unless you feel like a fling.
In the meantime work on your self esteem, get some counselling if you haven't done, it takes time and work to recover from abusive relationships which leaves you open to more abuse.
But when you meet the right guy you'll know.
Wow I can relate to this! My husband left me- first man I slept with and had a child- for a man... I've met online too but only sex and feel I'm gonna settle for less just so I'm not alone.