Hi IM's
I'm after some peoples experiences and what they've gone through. I separated from my daughters father 15 months ago. He had numerous times assulted me, he always spoke down to me, he drank way too much, he also did weed. My final straw was my daughter being in my arms on two separate occasions two weeks apart. One he would stop yelling and pushing me down onto the ground raising fist to me while daughter was in my arms. Second time he chocked me and grabbed me around the throat while I had my daughter in my arms. There's been more occasions but these two the police were called. There was a dv order put on by the police. Good behaviour for 2 years. Has a year left. Despite the relationship breaking down j did my best to help my daughter still know her dad. He would turn up to visits high on ice. A guy doing ice with him loved in our house (he lives there I moved and rented) got a speeding fine in the car that's in my name so I've got the persons name who lived there doing ice. He lost his licence for drink driving for 6 months. I went out of my way to try to keep the relationship going. Would drive 45 mins to pick up etc because I thought that was what I should do for my daughter. He would turn up drunk or Id get him from the train station and he was drunk. About a month ago I said enough was enough he needed to want to find ways to see his daughter and I couldn't keep disrupting out lives driving to pick him up etc. He didn't visits for a month. He got his licence back and visited for the first time in a month. That day he tried to take property from my house and chucked it over my side fence from the back. I went and picked it up he jumped the fence in front of my diaghter and my parents foster children. He yelled screamed sbd tried taking it from me. I called the police they listed it as a call but not enough to charge him.
He's been charged with manslaughter 8 years ago. Has a long history of drug offence etc. Has dv orders against him from ex partners. He's never been there to bring any of his other 6 children up. We have the house my Aunty and uncle are guarantor on and theyve recently pushed for it to be sold. He now has moved onto trying to control me via my daughter he's never asked for unsupervised until now that the house is out of his control. He used that because he was happy aslong as he was getting what he wants. He drinks regularly does drugs hangs out with bikie people and people who do drugs. He wants unsupervised visits even tho he never has asked. I don't trust him with my daughter. He wants sleep overs but that's not an environment for her. Since he hasn't visuted for a month she now gets upset when he leaves never has done before and doesn't ask for him. I want what's best for my daughter but I don't feel going for sleepovers etc are in her best interests. What wil a judge say? Why does she now get upset when he leaves from a visit? Twice now? I'm so lost. I don't want her in an unsafe environment he hasn't ever parented her it's been me. He's good with the fun stuff hour or two but never been big on the other things. I've never stopped the visits because that's not fair just because he isn't a good person or role model he's still her dad. Feeling so lost ? no orders in place for her. He said he's not scared to fight me in court and said he will win. Sorry it's long and thank you
5 Replies
Sounds like you have a good case for supervised visits through a supervision centre. Try and sort it out in mediation if you can. Speak to legal aid in the meantime for advice.
He knows what he needs to do to get things to go his way. He knows how much drugs he can have before a test. He was on parole and did drugs and still passed every time. He knows everything he needs to do to get things his way. He's done it before. Plenty of times. I've seen a psychologist whose said that he a psychopath from what I've told. I'm so terrified that he will get her unsupervised or at least over night. If I had to Id negotiate a park for a few hours etc unsupervised but he won't agree to that I've asked. ??
He has 6 other kids that he doesn't have anything to do with and numerous DV charges against him, has killed a person and you still thought it was a good idea to have a child with him?
Look mumma you have a good case up your sleeve. The police can order him to have a drug tests randomly so can custody judges especially if he's still on a good behaviour bond. Yup random drug tests so and hours notice unless he's getting someone else to piss for him or someone else's blood into the vials there is no way he can cover his drug abuse up. THC (weed) stays in your system for weeks not days and is never out of your system if you're a heavy smoker. I should know (I used to smoke weed, it's not the worst drug to be on) my sisters ex gets randomly drug tested and fails all the time (she's still stupid enough to keep him around)
Your daughter gets upset because he's her dad and she loves him, even though he's not around all the time he's still her dad. She realises that he leaves and she's wondering how long it will be until he comes back. Start mediation, make sure they can provide you with a safe place to be in if you have to have joint sessions and try to get supervised visitation put in place. If you have an AVO against him please stop talking to him he will use this against you in court. Ie you cannot be that scared of someone, have an AVO put out against them and happily have contact with them. When you have an AVO against someone you use that as your chance to get away from them and start a fresh not run around doing things for him and making his life easier. You definitely don't allow them into your home to terrorise you and other family member especially foster children. Haven't those kids been through enough, which is why they end up in foster care?
Please be smart about all of this, get the law on your side and do it right, if you still have an avo against him stop talking to him all together because it won't help your case if your going against it voluntarily. Do what's best for your child and move on without this deadbeat in your life. Kids don't need dads like that! I was one of those kids and definitely didn't need my bio father and I did a shot load better than I would have with him in my life.
There is no way on earth he will win. My ex although not as bad threw a whole lot of threats in my face... Fact was he was too damn lazy and lived with drugged up losers. And I wouldn't let our kids stay overnight with him as he smoked weed, did drugs and tried to commit suicide.
My advice start diarising everything said and if u can back date it try as hard as possible. If u do already great. It may help your case if you ever go to court.
Get mediation as soon as you can as that will also be a long process.
Yuuuuck i wish men like that could be sterilized! What an oxygen thief! Do everything in your power to keep that scumbag from having your daughter. He sounds dangerous and your daughter would not be safe with him!