Sorry if this is long and all over the place.
Back round story. My ex and I have been seperated for approx 4.5 years. We have a 6 year old and a 4 year old. My 6 year old has been showing serious signs of aggression, she is a perfect student at school but the minute she walks out of the room she is a different child. Swearing, hitting just all round defiant behaviour.
Recently she has been spending a large amount of time with her dad as I had work commitments, this as ceased now but the damage has already been done with my daughter.
3 years a go he was an amazing dad. He had regular contact and saw the limitations kids need etc. Fast forward to the past 2 years and he has changed so much! He has a current DVO from an ex and has been taken by police but not charged a few times for harming his current girlfriend. Its gotten to the point where I can't leave the kids there on their own, most recently while we were at their house he took her to the bed room and they had a physical altercation which I had to break up. There has been multiple drunken psychotic calls from both of them late at night. He has thrown knives shot guns and destroyed their house during these phone calls.
My daughter has started seeing the school counsellor and at a follow up appt with the counsellor it was suggested to me that contact be immediately cut. Or done in very supervised arrangement as to avoid further damage to her emotional wellbeing. My biggest fear with this is it sets him off, or he takes it to court and gains unsupervised access and my children are exposed to so much more.
The change is almost definitely due to drug use- which he now swears has stopped. But I fear its set off a chain reaction. I am terrified of being taken to court but I need to protect my children- if I keep things amicable, I am there this is done easily. If i ask for supervised or stop access until his mental health is sorted and he takes me to court I won't have control over what they see. Let me point out though this isn't about control, 3 years a go he had the kids 5 days a fortnight! He was a different man 2 years a go!
1 Replies
Call the police and make a report on the altercation you had to break up, even if it was a while ago.
Call child protection and tell them your concerns, so there is a record if he does take you to court.
Do not cease contact, but don't contact him unless he contacts you. Stopping contact when the children haven't been seriously neglected on harmed can still be spun in court to make you look bad or as though you're spiteful.
But do not let him see the children uless you are present, and the visit occurs in a public area - such as, for a couple of hours at the park.
Keep all communication by text as well, so you have proof if he gets aggressive.
Get both of your children to see a psychologist as well.
It'd also be a good idea to speak to a lawyer about going to court yourself. If not, they can at least give you advice on how to handle things without it backfiring if he does go to court.
You can put it in orders that he is to have supervised visits until he can prove his fit and sober.
You can also order anger management, drug testing, and possibly a parenting course.
Good luck.