All I ever wanted was a daughter of my own for as long as I can remember and when I fell pregnant to my now ex the first thing he said to me when I came home to tell me was I couldn't continue the pregnancy and that's putting it nicely. He was mean and cold, violent. I was so scared of him. He told me I had to book an abortion and I did. I couldn't ever say no to him. So he drove me to the clinic. I felt sick I was going to go through with it I was so scare of him I was going to let him kill my child. I can still picture sitting in the car with him the stern look on his face his cold hand holding mine telling me that I have no choice. When we arrived I was given all this paper work that he filled out for me. I remember being called into be seen. Walking through the big doors. I can't shut it off tonight is bad. I told her right away no I can't do it I fell onto the seat sobbing. She put the pill out onto the table. And i told her my partner wanted me to do this. She talked him out of it. I still remember the look on his face as he sat in the chair with his arms crossed and shakes his head telling the Dr that I wasn't fit mentally and physically to be a mother. She said she wasn't going to give me that pill. So we left and when we got home later that week he tried to kill her by hurting me. I can't breath. How do I shut it off. I have no one to talk to because no one gets my pain. They tell me to forget about it. She is asleep right now peacefully. I worked up the strength to leave him and never looked back. But this trormer won't leave me. I feel like I had the abortion but she is here and healthy. One year on and I still can't sleep. Tonight is really bad for some reason. I just keep picturing that pill those doors the look on his face when the Dr said no. Its like I'm actually there. Reliving it. I can still feel the pain of what is as about to do. There is this weird empty sick feeling right now in the pit of my stomach. I still feel the pain of his fist. He words. Does pain like this ever go away?
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