I have recently broken up with my partner. We have a six month old baby. We are currently co-parenting and living together until I can move out (my decision). I love him with all my heart. But that doesn't mean he's good for me. Since having a baby everything has gone downhill and it isn't getting better. I can't deal with it all anymore. The split, I know for sure, will be civil and we will remain friends. I still would really like things to work out eventually, but that entirely depends on him. My question is: is it possible to live apart and be in a relationship with a child/children? Is it viable? Is it bad for the kids? If we have to live apart to get along, is it a relationship that really worth saving?? Is it possible for people to realise they're being complete and utter dicks and actually change?
Do people really change?
Do people really change?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour, Baby & Toddler
7 Replies
They can change, but it takes a really long time, they've got to really want to change and do the work, and they have to have insight into there behaviour and how that affects other people.
I don't know if he is abisuve but Be aware that first abuse often occurs around pregnancy or after the birth of the first child. If there is abuse involved the sooner you seek help, get out the better wether that be emotional or physical.
You can work on a relationship from a distance but again if he is abusive he needs to get help for himself first before even considering the relationship.
Thank you for your reply and your concern. He is not abusive in any way just a massive man-child and shows no real signs of growing up. Even though we had numerous massive discussions about before conception, during pregnancy and after birth. And he promised he would step up and just hasn't. I'm hoping he's just much more immature than I ever realised and not a selfish prick.
Ah you are probably better off coparenting then. Otherwise the way he does things otherwise you so won't be happy with.
Yeah sadly he probably won't change. I'd definitely move towards a coparenting type arrangement.
Otherwise your resentment will just grow.
You'll probably find deep down inside he has a 1950s attitude to parenting/housework and the like and can't understand 'what your problem is'
People have done it for centuries
If you split and he doesnt grow up, youll be closer to ending it and more inclimed to not put up with it, youll notice it more. I think its a good idea. Why stay in a situation and plan a future with someone you dont enoy life with. Aim for being happy and you'll get it one way or another.
I am staying with my mum for a while - he contacted me today and said it was his depression and he's going to get help and get on top of it. I hope he does for our daughters sake even if we don't end up together. After telling me last night he doesn't know if he loves me anymore, he now says he does (now I don't know what to think) and I've told him I can't be around him right now because it just hurts too much and it's not good for me or our daughter. We'll stay split and co-parent. Right now I can't see past the next few days.