I just had a huge wake up call. I am a single Mum. I am a shift-worker. I am tired a lot and each day can be a struggle just to make it all work. I love my children dearly and everything I do, every decision I make, is with them in the forefront of my mind. They come first in everything. But I am tired, and stressed and that makes me cranky and short-tempered a lot. I try not to be but the last year or so has been very hard. I got a Mother's Day card from my 5 year old today. It was entitled "Why I love my Mummy". Nice right? I love stuff like this and keep it all. I opened the card and it says: "I love my Mummy because...she is angry". I felt like I'd been gut punched. It could have read because I sing them lullabies, or I take them to the park, or I cook their favourite foods...but all my child has to say is that I am angry. That's the overriding emotion they see from me. For all my efforts to provide for my family and keep them healthy and safe, I am not giving them the basic gift of seeing me happy. I suddenly realise I need to stop, take a step back and try to let go of the stress and crankiness and try to be happier. It's not going to be easy. My kids are challenging and cheeky and life can be tough but I don't want this to be what they remember of their childhoods. Wish me luck please my IM friends.
12 Replies
Good luck, you sound like a great mum who needs to put her happiness first for a change.
Oh you poor thing - you are doing your best to make sure they are looked after. When they are older they will understand that.
I am a tired and cranky mumma too sometimes..
I am sure we all are
Oh hun I completely feel you, I'm an overworked tired mum too.
Last years daycare card was I love my mum cause..... She's my mum and I have to.
It killed me!!! Then I realised their still young and can't express themselves.
It was a wake up call to me and I've tried to make more of an effort to be the fun mum but it is hard.
All I can say is congratulations you sound like your doing awesome and as they grow they will realize
Oh Hun. The mind of a child. They are innocent and it's no reflection on you as a mum.
I have a story. I hope it makes you feel better.
I was a single mum of five boys (at the time of this story they were aged 10 to 16). I worked full time and my workplace was about an hour and 20 minutes drive from our house. They caught the bus home from school and were at home alone for around an hour until I got home.
One day I got home and there were police at my door. I went to the door and they asked me if I had a 15 year old child. Yes - I answered. They then told me he had called the police because he was being neglected...
One of the police people (a lady) took my son aside and spoke to him. The other stayed with me.
I was fuming!
Here I was busting my guts working to provide for my kids while their father was off galavanting around without a care in the world. As long as he paid his $14 a fortnight (for five kids mind you) he felt like his duty was fulfilled. My son used the phone I bought for him to call the police!
Bloody spoilt little so and so!
Anyway. After her chat with my son the police lady had a chat to me. She congratulated me on doing a great job. She said she could just tell there was nothing amiss (state of the house and the reaction and behaviour of the other 4 kids). She said he told her things she could imagine her own son saying about her. Things like mums always busy. Mum doesn't have time for me. Mum works a lot.
They offered to take him to see some kids that REALLY were neglected. He declined their offer.
As they were leaving the police lady said: he's in so much trouble when we leave isn't he?
Frikkin oath he is, I told them.
You're just doing your damn best! Don't be so hard on yourself. If it's a wake up call that's great but you've done nothing wrong xx
your story reminded me of my (then 14yr old) son. I had asked him to clean his room. He declined. I told him to clean it or he would miss going to a friends place that weekend. He stormed off to his room in a huff - I assumed to clean it. About an hour later police turned up on our door (we live on a farm over 40km from the nearest Police station mind you)....my not-so-darling son had (using the mobile phone he had just gotten for his birthday!) called 000 to report 'a disturbance' .....yep....that was his words. In hindsight it is funny - but at the time I was furious! Disturbance my ass - the only one disturbed was him!!
Kids can be wonderful and amazing....and horrible and hateful. Good luck mummas....it is a tough gig!!
Oh
My
God!
I can just imagine the look on the face of the police when they found out what the 'disturbance' was lol.
My son is now 21. He tells me he doesn't remember the event at all. His 4 brothers do.
Interesting isn't it. He was probably so ashamed of what he did he buried it deep into his 'do not think about this horrible thing I did to my mother' memories. Because there were more! Oh many more!
It's ok now though. He is a quite respectful and appreciative son nowadays. He still struggles to show his 'love' but he tries ?
hahaha....being a small community we knew both the police officers well. My darling (now 16 son) tries not to mention 'the event' any more - it is embarrassing moment he says. He is growing into a wonderful young man. All kids do crazy things at one point - some are crazier than others! ;-)
Best of luck from me. From one used-to-be-angry mumma.
My delightful Mr 5 said he loved me because mummy's farts are bigger than daddy's.
Yep, the preps loved that announcement.
And, I'm a single Mama too.
I am the child of a single mother that did shift work (12 hours). I only saw her for 30 minutes in the morning before school (after work). She was always yelling coz we weren't ready yet. Then 1 hour in the afternoon before she left to work. Yelling again coz we'd been too loud while she was trying to sleep. Made a mess while shes spent all day cleaning. Now I'm 29 and realise she managed on only 3 to 4 hours a day for 15 years she is my idol. Yes it was hard and I didn't understand why I was always being yelled at but she's an amazing woman! I thank my lucky stars everyday.
You're a good daughter xx
I love reading posts from the other perspective. Well done. It is hard work being a parent....and sometimes we don't see how hard our parents had it until most of those 'horrible' moments are distant memeories and we are a parent ourselves. You are clearly an amazing daughter for seeing her other side!