Hi Ladies,
Please help.. I am a mental case and need some outside help...
To give you a bit of a run down - my hubby and I have had some massive changes in our lives over the last 60 days or so.
Until recently we have always been equals, we both worked the same kind of hours, earned the same kind of money, done the same amount of housework - both inside and out of the yard.
I started a new job where I am working 6 days a week and hubby has had a promotion where he has a much larger income then I do working 5 days a week. (These have been the major changes).
Miss 12 helps about the house - She sweeps, vacuums and mops while making sure that her homework is up to date and empties all the clothes baskets etc for me.. She is a great helper but I dont want to let her school work suffer and i want to let her enjoy her childhood as well while having some responsibility.
Mr 20 does nothing!! He also works full time on night shift so we dont see him - He sleeps all day and then works all night and still manages to eat us out of house and home in the mean time - does pay $100 per week in board.
The problems that I am struggling with are these -
*All of a sudden I am the one doing all of the cooking & cleaning up after dinner - the rules have always been that whoever is home first starts dinner - the other one then helps when they get home & we clean up together.
*I have had to organise to get someone to come and do the lawns and clean our pool
*I have organised a dog groomer to wash the dog
*I am changing the washing more and night to make sure that it is kept up to us, change bed linens etc
I have spoken to my husband and I dont think that he wanted the scales to tip this way as much as they have and he does try to help.
I dont know if this is about me?? Am I just taking my controlling behaviour too far?? I have started running my life by diaries and calendars and planners just to make sure that things get done??
Please help me clear my head and put this into a little perspective
6 Replies
Ok it's only been 60 days. It's an adjustment for everyone.
Mr 20 needs to start helping out/paying more or moving out. He should be doing his own laundry now. If he doesn't want to participate in family duties it's time to go, his sister should not have duties if he doesn't. But both of them should have duties.
Hubby needs to step up. Sounds like it's time for a chat. Dont manage the family expect them to manage themselves.
Get one of those robot vacuumes and let it do its thing!
If youte woring six days and him five and with a promotion, you should spend more to give youteelves less home chores and more easy time together. Takeaway night, lget the yards done, washing lady. Take the pressure off you all.
even miss 12 is old enough to be doing her own laundry now. mine does. it is important that they learn to pick up after themselves. have a cleaner for the other stuff they can also change linens. Although they should be washing their linen's as part of their own washing.
Miss 12 can do the dishwasher and her own washing, everyone else does their own washing. and that should cover everything except meals.
We have at least 1 night a week which is make your own night (usually the one night the least number are home at any given moment in the evening.) it works beautifully. if they see I am sick they will even declare a make your own night without even asking me.
he should be paying more in bond
I think you and your hubby are just trying to find your feet. Make your son responsible for himself and some of the household chores. Make him be the one to mow the lawns, do his own washing. He is an adult if he doesnt like it move out. My daughters (same age) have 1 job that needs doing every day and 1 extra job on the weekend. Invest in a slow cooker spend a couple of hrs after a grocery shop on the weekend meal prepping so all u have to do before work is dump everything into the cooker turn it on. Then whoever is home first can do the veg, pasta or rice. Remember it is a new routine and that does take time to adjust. Dont feel bad if you need to get a cleaner in even just 1 day a week to keep things going.
I'm a 50/50 kinda girl... So hubby did equal to you around the home before the new job - why would that change? It doesn't matter who earns more money or who spends more time at home. 50-50 is 50-50. Does he think cause he's bringing in more $ you have to make up for this? Really? Talk to each other and work out what each of you enjoys doing as your contribution, eg. you wash, he mows. Work out you both hate doing, say the pool and and the ironing, and use the extra $ to pay someone else to do this and enjoy the results of your improved earning power.
Miss 12 seems a well adjusted contributing member of the family. Well done :) IMO Mr 20 needs to move out! I've had Mr 20 x3 (even down to the shift work) and they were each given their jobs and expected to do them. If they weren't done they had 3 warnings. Only 3 and moved out. My house my rules. They are adults and need to be responsible. All moved out and all have become productive members of society. 2 have even thanked me for pushing them and tell me how happy they are doing their own thing and knowing how to live independently.
It sounds like your core family values are strong, everyone just needs a refocus and reminder that it's a team effort. Good luck :)
Thank you - This was what I needed to hear..
Sometimes you need to take a step back and look from an outsiders point of view..