My husband & I have been together now for 16 years and we have had a pretty good sex life. The past 6 months I have had no sex drive at all. My husband is constantly asking me for sex, but I just don't feel like it. When I do say yes, I feel as though I'm only doing it to keep him happy. Lately, when I have said no to sex, I have woken up in the middle of the night to my husband forcing myself inside of me. I feel so violated each time. I have told him that if he does it again I am leaving. 2 nights ago, he did it again. He just said sorry, but I feel like he will just do it again and again. I know I threatened to leave, but I don't know how to with no money & our kids would be distraught. What do I do???
Do I just give in & keep giving him sex to keep him happy?
Help please mums
Help please mums
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Health & Wellbeing, Behaviour
9 Replies
Firstly he raped you. Speak to a domestic violence support group and the police. They can help you get out, offer you financial support, housing etc.
Yes the kids will need to adjust BUT if this continues on like it is you will start to suffer emotional repercussions and the kids will suffer because of that.
There is absolutely no excuse for him raping you wether it had been 10 minutes or 6 years.
This was answered a few days back.
Yes but I needed some more help. Am I not allowed in to ask the same question again? You didn't need to comment.
just wondering because it would have been clearer to respond to some of the earlier responders to clarify or ask further questions. this is basically a repeat.
Multiple people had mentioned going to police they make the referrals to the various services.
Stupid question, but was he awake when he had sex with you?
The only reason i ask is because ive woken to my husband having a raging boner and grinding against me and trying to have sex, but he was asleep and actually didnt realise he was doing it.
If this wasnt the case with your husband then he is definitely in the wrong.
Explain to him (although he should already know) that sex needs to be consenting, even when you are married.
I realise he is probably quite horny but him pressuring you is most likely the reason you feel so turned off.
Sleep in a different room if you feel he cant keep to himself.
And maybe start looking at ways to leave if you need to, like transferring money from accounts. Or you could ask him to leave.
Have you seen anyone or done anything in the last 6 months to find out why your libido has gone? You mightn't feel like it but I'm sure he'd like to know there was a bit of work in progress here trying to get some mojo back so the rest of his life wasn't going to be rejection and solo handjobs. For the sex at night issue, you've said if he does it again you'll leave and then not left. If you don't leave that tells him he can do this with no repercussions because you won't follow through, in hindsight never threaten with something you actually don't think you can do. If you want to put the wind up him, tell him if it happens again you'll charge him with rape and start preparing for if you do need to leave.
This is rape and that's crap about him possibly being asleep! He would be aware of his actions! This is so not okay for him to be treating you like this, no matter how horny he may be!!! I would be calling domestic violence services in your area for some support and advice where to go from here. It is your right to say no and at times libido does go up and down so don't feel bad for that Mumma xx
Excuse me, but my comment was based on my personal experience so it was not CRAP!
I am not saying it was in any way ok, i was just trying to possibly see it from the mans side, and the fact that he was told not to do it again, and yet he did it again made me question why.
And i thought, a) he either doesnt care, in which case she needs to fuck him off, or,
B) he actually wasnt aware of his actions,
There is no need to make a comment about my opinion.
Sorry I didn't mean to offend, I should have read your comment closer and that it was based on personal experiences. I just found it hard to understand how someone could be asleep and able to have intercoourse that's all. I hope the poster has been able to talk with her husband and reach out for further support.