I'll try and keep this short.
10 years ago when I was 20 my parents along with my brother (who was 13 at the time) decided to move to QLD to start a new life. My dad had depression, had never held a steady job, they had and still have so much debt and my mum really hated her mother in law and blames her for most of this happening. I didn't move as I had just met my now husband, had a great job, great friends and family.
Fast forward to right now and I am nearly 30, my husband and I have a mortgage and 3 kids, 6,5 and 3. My in laws are great and really help us out, are there whenever we need them and especially help out with my son who has special needs, whether it be support or looking after the other 2 when I have appointments.
Anyway I can't help but feel so much anger and hate towards my parents who are never here for us, never help out and who only ever come down every 6 months or so. They haven't been here for any births, weren't here for when I have really needed them the most. Am I right to be feeling like this? Like I said I have so much anger and hate. Should I say something when nothing much will change?
Thank you for reading and taking the time for me.xxx
Parents moving interstate
Parents moving interstate
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
4 Replies
You feel how you feel, but it's time to find a way to let go.
You chose to stay and you can't expect your parents not to live there life. You can't expect them to ever live in your state or near you.
Yes it's lovely when family can help out but it should never be expected.
My parents lived in a different state to there parents and raised there kids on there own and for a very long time I lived in a different state to mine and raised my son on my own. My parents didn't have my son, and they raised there kids so they have no responsibility to help me raise mine.
Parents have a right to live where they want to live and do what they want there lives. You chose to stay behind for a guy you just met, what if your parents resented you for staying behind? Would that seem right to you?
Totally get your feelings of hurt, they are justified.
But no, i dont think you should say anything to them. It wont achieve anything.
You cant be upset with people for not doing what you want, or for not being the people you want them to be.
Maybe try inviting them down more often, or taking trips to see them. Try weekly phone calls to engage them in your life. If they dont want these things then sadly you will have to accept them the way they are, and take the relationship they are offering.
You are very lucky to have great inlaws, but not every family is like this
As you said they have money problems it wouldnt be easy for them to come interstate all the time, every six months is quite a good effort. And being that far away its easy to be disconencted and they woudlmt know if you really need them there unless you say it directly. Maybe its your expectations that are creating these feelings? you could try to put down your expectations , then turn it around to yourself, what can you afford and have time to facilitate, then put your effort into making it happen.
No I don't think you have the right to be angry at them.
My mum moved away 18hrs away I see her only when someone in the family dies. I'd love for her to visit more or live close but I'm not mad at her she had to do what was best for her and her partner at the time.
She's only met my kids ( I have 4 the oldest is 9) 4 or 5 times. So count yourself lucky really that you get to see your mum more often