Hello-
I'm currently almost 5 months pregnant with no:2 and with the impending SAHM status looming im staring to get a little nervous. I was at home with my DD for 14 months and went a bit crazy from being 'stuck' and I was very disorganised with the house hold stuff and everything got very out of hand. The reality of baby number 2 is that I will not have the choice and will be home as we won't be able to afford childcare for 2 children so my question is: how did you make it work when it's what you want more than anything but your not sure if it's all that good for you? also how did you cope financially?
Hubby and I are on the same page and see ourselves as 2 people doing the two different sides of the one job - he works very hard for us and I want to work equally as hard at home to give us all the family life we both are looking for.
Any advise is well appreciated ?
7 Replies
Well im with you but i found the seocnd one much easier, probably because you have the older one there to help and after a while they interact with each other so youre more free than with one.
Ive found a great playgroup( had to try a few) so i can go out when im going nuts. And i am more about me this time around. I do things that fulfil me and the kids come too. Do you have a hobby, list of to dos, activities you enjoy? I spend my day doing things i enjoy, not things for kids that are a big unpleasant issue for me.
I also am aware my time is limited until i return to work forever this time, so thats another thing thats different, i can see the end this time. First time even three years felt like eternity , now i know better.
Your oldest will go to preschool at 3 which will then free you up to only pay daycare for one. And then when they start school, itll change the dynamic and finAnces again, so youll have. Lot more options.
I think you'll find second time around is a lot different to first, dont stress about it just take it as it comes.
I would be treating it like a job as opposed to just being stuck at home all day. Obviously things pop up and you will need to be flexible, especially as you adjust to two kids but could you sit down with your husband and make a list of all the jobs that he and you would like to be completed at home. Make up a daily schedule of what jobs get done and on what days. Schedule in some regular outings like to the local library or music class.
Stay at home mum is not my first choice either, but here I am.
You will be quite busy at the start because new born and toddler will be an adjustment.
Definitely treat it like a job once new baby has settled in, allocate things time slots. For me I clean every room once a week (my bedroom mon, sons room tues etc) in the morning because in the mornings I'm motivated. Choose what time suits you best, taking into account things like mothers groups and other activities. In our house washing is done when the washing basket is full by who ever put the last thing in the basket (our basket is the size of a load).
Make sure you get time without your kids at scheduled times. Discuss with hubby how that will work, it could be that when he comes in he takes over the kids for a few hours so you can breath, it could be in the form of utilising the crèche at a gym in the mornings it could be worth getting one day of daycare. Everyone needs kid free time and scheduling it is better than letting things get to snapping point. I also find when I get scheduled breaks I'm a far better mother and far better housekeeper because it re-energises me.
Also discuss sleep. You BOTH need sleep, he needs sleep to go to work, you need sleep so you can care for children safely. You BOTH will need to compromise on this. Wether that's him taking the kids so you can sleep in or him getting up to do a bottle feed at night.
I have a loose schedule for the week. It gets very easy to say 'oh I'll do that tomorrow'. So each day along with the everyday things I have a few extra chores whether it's washing, change sheets, vacumme, clean the bathroom.. Whatever. Then friday is my day out and we go to playgroup and visit family and do the shopping. I also take time for myself and every second night Dad is on duty and I go for a run (or walk now I'm pregnant again) just for a bit of me time.
As for financially - budget and stick to it! Our bills all come out by direct debit and everything else I deal in cash (fuel, groceries etc) and get out once a fortnight. My husband and I also give ourselves an allowance that way you don't feel guilty about buying a little something for yourself or going out for tea (friends of ours also do this but they've made it into a competition that whoever has the least money leftover at the end of the fortnight from their allowance has to cook a 2 course meal for the family which is kindof fun - especially for the wife because she usually wins and ends up with a night off cooking!)
I was a sahm for years, and i wish id had the wisdom that i have now.
Definately treat it like work, even make schedules of things to be done, or a weekly chart of your jobs and stick to it!
Get the kids into routine. So then you know that at XX time the baby will sleep and the toddler has quiet time (or a nap) and you can get certain things done, or make it your rest time too or one on one time with the toddler.
Once you are past the newborn stage then definately scheledule in daily (or every second day) activities. For example, playgroup, music lessons, kindy gym, a trip to the park. That way you have a reason to get up and get ready everyday and not stay in pj's! Also it will help to wear the kids out.
Routines and schedules! And stick to them.
As fa as the money goes...it wont be easy but is do-able.
Shop at aldi (if theres one near you) or buy woolies or coles brand products. Try to make alot of things yourself (it can be part of things to do with the toddler) like cakes, slices, biscuits etc. And cook dinner rather than takeaway,
Make your own babyfood. There are lots of tips and tricks online for sticking to a budget.
As for cheap activities with the kids, look for cheap or free playgroups, churches often run great activities free of charge, local libraries usually have free things too, like story time or craft days.
You could even look into a small on the side job, like selling avon, scentsy, tupperware etc. It will give you something else to focus on other than kids, youll meet new people and maybe earn a few dollars.
Good luck and stay sane!
Have you thought about returning to work longer term, say 12 months down the track? Could you work 1 or 2 days? Could hubby get a day off a fortnight? Surely if you want to return you could work it out. Personally i need to have some adult conversation. My husband respects that. He takes a fortnightly rdo and i can work that day.
I am a SAHM too and I feel you!! I have recently put my son (2) into family day care, it is MUCH cheaper than Childcare and you only pay for the hours the child is actually there, rather than a full day regardless of the hours they are there. He is in FDC for three hours, twice a week and in that time I clean the house and do meal prep for the next few days, I also study online so it's the best time for me to get that done. I have a schedule on the fridge which I follow the same way I would a "regular job" so I find that to be really motivating. A playgroup is also a great way to get the kids out of the house and interacting with other children. FDC works out to be $4.50 an hour after the rebate.. It's excellent.