Fighting with preteen. Rudeness, defiant

.....ask her nicely mind your P's and Q's say please and thankyou once it is done...

maybe have a competition with her....set a timer and the reward if she beats the timer is a chocolate bar...

give her her devices back she needs to learn to self regulate...and it is easier now than later for her to learn that but she can't learn it while she doesnt have them...

youth group, cadets, movies with friends on weekends....these are weekend priviledges if jobs aren't done she doesn't get to go...she doesn't get money for the canteen, she is effectively grounded...she can only go out if her room is clean and chores are being done regularly....

if she does all her chores well that week within a reason time frame take her out for a milkshake...

if she does ALL her chores that week without having to be repeatedly reminded and hounded and that lovely attitude take her out for a lunch just you and her...

or give her some movie vouchers ($30 for 3 children's passes and 3 popcorn) her her to go to the movies with some friends.

here is the secret too it....once a week or every so often sit down and chat with her...talk about whats goin on around the place what needs to be done...how you feel with her ascerbic comments...that you are adjusting to her hitting her teen years and you understand that hormones can be rocky....

don't sit down and have this discussion directly after a fight....its one to have when you are both calm and relaxed...and yes she may scream at you and run away...but try again later when everyone has had a chance to calm down...it may take a few attempts to feel things out and find out what is bothering her...if it just hormones is she taking out on you shit that is happening elsewhere....

I have 3 of them...and woah...some days...but we figure it out...what is important is that shouting matches arent when communication happens...if it degrades to that back off til everyone cools off....teach her how to communicate....

and dont forget to tell her how much you love her and how proud you are of her

bad news is Mum is a safe place...

Mum should love you no matter how much you lash out at her and scream that you HATE HER!

cos mum weathers the storm and before the waves still is there with a hug and to cry on her shoulder and to blurt whatever is churning everything up too.....