I've been stood up. Three of my babygroup friends were organised to meet me at 11am at a new kid friendly cafe for a playdate with our babies. I had to travel the furtherest distance (over an hour). One friend was kind enough to let us all know in advance that she couldn't make it.
I can't help being punctual so absolutely raced to get there ontime. I sat and waited for 25minutes before I messaged them to say I was there and are they coming soon. One of them replied with a photo of herself still at home and at least 30 minutes away. The other one never even replied. Of course we all have children and last minute holdups but I still think you can message or phone an update quickly!
So after 45 minutes, I called my 2 friends and they still hadn't even left home And no apologies. More of a surprise reaction that I wasn't going to spend more time waiting! So finally, I walked out. I tend to put on a happy face and act polite so they probably wouldn't have realised how upset I was.
I know it doesn't seem like a big deal but I feel really hurt and embarrassed that I was sat on my own waiting and they knew this. And especially my poor baby, who was also stuck waiting. She doesn't deserve that.
Is it becoming normal that everyone is so inconsiderate and flaky now or am I just unfortunate with the people I meet and too sensitive for my own good? I am just so hurt and angry that my time and friendship is not valued. The friend who couldn't make it is super apologetic on behalf of the other 2.
Would appreciate any advice on how to deal with these situations and my feelings. Finding it really hard to find real friends nowdays. Or are real friends a bygone with my twenties? I moved away from my old friends a few years ago before babies and do occasionally skype. It's not the same. We all have such different lifestyles now.
9 Replies
I've never known a mums group to not be flaky and we have tried to keep a few running at various times over the years.....mum's flaked its a badge of mum hood unfortunately and the day will eventually arrive that it's you who flakes because one threw up he left your tank empty its the tightest week you have ever had and your power just went out and you noticed only now your phone is on 2%......
Never travel an hour just to 'play' I'm sure there is a park within a 5 minute walk.....its worth meeting local kids or even joining the local playgroup.
I've never been in a mothers group but jeez I can't believe they didn't message you. Rude as and expected you to just sit and wait for them indefinitely. Not acceptable in my book. There is no excuse for not sending a text saying sorry shut has hit the fan here don't think we will make it!
Totally agree! I have been a mother for 4 years and never once flaked. Yes there have been last minute poonamis and tantrums but I still manage to get my shit together and get to places ontime or only 5 minutes late. And I always put my phone on charge at night so it is ready to go. What if there was an emergency!?? Responsible parenting involves having some sort of social concience and organisation! Worry for my children if this is what friendships of the future are like.
Ivnever left anyone hanging.msure im non commital about plans, but once locked in, ill let you jnow if im late or not coming. Sounds like either a hint to chill a bit, or disrespect to p you off, or just flakes.
But hey, you shouldnt be scared to be out alone or with your toddler. Maybe if you have a good time anyway whether people come or not come wont upset you so much.
I find there is a big difference between friends and mums groups. Usually mums groups are circumstantial friends and not always people you would go out of your way to hang out with if you didn't have children as a common interest. It is rude to just not turn up or send a quick text, however if neither knew the other was also running late they may have assumed you weren't sitting alone or wouldn't be alone for long. Next time confirm they are keen to meet at that time before you leave the house. I'd also recommend trying to find people closer to home or a structured playgroup to attend.
It happens to me all the time!! It is so upsetting!! I was left at a Resturant for dinner by myself one night- a few let me know, one did not let me know, an another forgot!! It was mortifying!! I get so angry when people don't uphold plans. I have some friends who are really bad at this!! It's a good thing I love them despite their flaws!!
That's just rude and sad :( where do you live? I will gladly sit down for a cuppa and play date at a cafe!
This happened to me recently. I sent a text the night before our meet up saying another friend would be joining us and I'd bring some snacks for the kids to share and got no reply. I wasn't worried because I know sometimes we all get busy etc. The next day this friend didn't turn up, I sent her a text asking if everything was ok and she didn't reply until Sunday (3 days later) and was very blaise about it all, she told me she was just busy. I felt really hurt too. I won't be going out of my way to make any plans with this particular person again. The ball is in her court if she wants to organise something, and if she doesn't well then that's that I guess.
Is be angry about it as well. It's rude you don't organise somethin and just not show up. I swear the older You get, the more inconsiderate and bitchy they get. I wouldn't remember he last time I was invited or included in anything after my 3rd child people just stopped having anything to do with us.