Will try and keep it short! So we are against smacking especially others smacking our children they get the occasional one of it's really needed by us if all else doesn't work. We have spoken about this to our families numerous times so they are clear on our choices.
My Mother inlaw chose to smack my daughter (5) in front of me then in my absence smacked (in her words tapped) 2 of my children 5 & 3, with a wooden spoon. The reason being 3- said wouldn't do a simple task when asked and 5-said no to bedtime. What's your thoughts on this? I have messaged her a detailed text as I'm not good at confrontation without tears and not being able to say verbally what I want or how I feel due to tears. I did not receive an apology nor did my children. My husband spoke to her and got the whole it was old habits talk.
Smacking grandchildren.
Smacking grandchildren.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Behaviour, Kids
19 Replies
That's crap! She is not the parent and she needs to respect the way you choose to raise your children and she should of certainly apologised for deliberately going against your wishes especially as you said you have explicitly advised them where you stand on this particular issue. I understand the not being good with confrontation, I'm the opposite end I wouldn't be able to with out getting angry! I personally have had similar issues with my MIL, not for smacking as she hasn't had the chance as she burnt her bridges early on and has blatantly ignored things we have said so she does not get to watch our children and she wouldn't dare do anything in front of us but that's our own personal preference as its a strained relationship anyway. Yes there are certain things you let slide but smacking would certainly not be one of them. If your husband has already spoken to her and that was the response you got unfortunately j don't believe she thinks she has done anything wrong and your unlikely to get an apology. I think the best thing you can do for yourself is have a good talk with hubby, ensure your both on the same page with this and then decide what your plan of action will be should she do it again.
I would be letting her know she will not be babysitting again. The trust is gone
No babysitting
Yeah no. Old habits. It's not old habits to get a spoon and hit a kid, it's old opinions that she knows better than you and will do whatever she wants. No way. Tell her next time it happens she will have to have supervised visits only because you obviously can't trust her to control herself.
Regadless of your choice it's not okay for her to smack your kids. She is a grandparent I would absolutely hit the roof if someone other than my husband or myself smacked our children. I would not be allowing your children to visit alone so no babysitting and he she smacked them in front of me i would just get up and leave.
My step sister threatened to smack my youngest 2 at the time in front of me my dad and stepmum I just looked at her and said smack her and I'll smack you!!!!
So do you believe that children should be punished for a wrong doing 12 hours after they commit the offence? Because that it's confusing to kids. Hey you pulled the cats tail at nanas house last night and now that you are home you are going to be punished for it. How is the child going to learn to not pull the cats tail if their is not some sort of consequence for doing so. I'm talking about a repeated offence not a first offence. If you leave your children with someone you can't expect them to allow your child to get away with breaking the rules and not face any sort of punishments. I would never babysit a child who I could not discipline for wrongdoings at the time of the action not only would it suggest to my children that the behaviour is allowed and that kid got away with it so they can, they would continue to do the action knowing they would not be punished for it. Just trying to get a feel on why society is going down the drain here and why so many teachers are having a hard time getting the kids of our country to do anything. And why so many quit due to a lack of parenting.
I think she just means that she wouldn't want anyone one other than herself or husband smacking her children, not that she wouldn't allow anyone else to discipline them in any way. If my child misbehaved in some one elses care I would absolutely want them to be disciplined but I think I would be upset if someone else were to smack my child. Hitting isn't the only form of discipline! I would try other methods before resorting to smacking.
Hitting someone with a wooden spoon is illegal in Australia, I agree with your argument but you don't need to hit a child to discipline them, they can miss out on that ice two nana promised them or television etc, no need to hit someone , why do some people call it discipline for kids but if you hit a adult those same people call it assault, they're both assault
No way! I thought smacking with an implement (ie not your bare hand) illegal in Australia?
You're correct.
Only with your hand, only in certain areas (no head/crotch area), and cannot leave a lasting mark. Red mark is okay as long as it fades in a certain amount of time.
My husbands 'mother' found out I was against physical discipline when I was still pregnant.
She gave me a massive lecture and said she'd be smacking my son if he was naughty around her.
At the time, her other grandson was barely one at the time and was very sick with a stomach bug. Both her and her daughter kept smacking him for being 'naughty'.
I refused to let this woman alone near my child, and I'm glad I did because she tried to smack ME for misbehaving.
If a woman is willing to beat a child with a spoon, she has serious issues.
I wouldn't just be not allowing her to babysit, I would be limiting the time spent with her in general.
Do not let her talk her way out of it. She knows that times have changed, she knows that what she did was illegal, and she disrespected you as a parent.
Ok I'm going to be on the other side of the fence here. If you already knew her stance on smacking and using a wooden spoon and you still left her in charge of your children you can't say to her, here have my children but if they are naughty you don't have the right to discipline them. I had a wooden spoon used on my butt I'm still a human being. This wooden spoon was used by my mother, my aunts, my uncles and my grandparents. Because we were a family and it took and still takes a village to raise our children. I respected my teachers and my elders and my bosses and I still do all these years later. When my mum is in charge of my children she is the one in charge of everything including discipline especially if they are in her care. She lets my kids get away with more than I do. My ex's grandparents believed in using a piece of bamboo to discipline the kids their own first and then the grandchildren, I've never left my children (any of them) in their care because I know that they will disrespect my wishes to not use a piece of bamboo on their butts/legs/hands. you knew there was a risk but still took it. You cannot expect someone to change their style simply because you don't like it, you can however prevent the situation from reoccurring ever again by not letting her have her grandchildren again. Which is rather extreme for a tap on the butt with a wooden spoon. Yes using object on children that are not a flat palm of the hand is a bit outdated but you cannot expect people to change because you tell them to or want them to.
I also know I'm going to get crucified for having a completely different opinion to you all. Please be aware. I don't care.
I mostly agree with you... When I leave my kids with someone (obviously I trust them with their life) I trust their judgement with discipline. I don't however agree with using weapons on kids - an open hand on bum should be enough (my mum used the cane end of the feather duster on us - ouch).
I agree, would not leave my child with someone who didn't listen to my opinion and I didn't trust to discipline my child in a way that was compatible with my principles.
Re the opinion "a smack never hurt me". I was 'smacked' a lot as a kid, to a level that today authorities would have been called. I survived, I am a productive member of society, but I hated every moment of my childhood in regards discipline and learned early to 'do as I was told, when I was told'. This has effected my self worth, my relationship with anger and my ability to be vulnerable. My kids would say I was strict as a mum, but I NEVER EVER EVER HIT THEM!!! There are a million other ways to raise happy healthy respectful children. How can we expect to reduce violence in our community if we use violence on our littlest and most defenseless members. How did I stop my mother hitting me? I hit her back - the violence was perpetuated and handed down. It took every ounce of determination and self control not to perpetuate that violence in my children. Please don't leave your children with people you know have the belief that hitting is ok. Just visit grandma with the kids, but don't leave them there.
I was raised in the days when Grandparent in-forced this sort of discipline,
I am now the grandparent of two very lovely boys, I would never hit them,I find that they are very obedient when mum is busy working,I am quite sure my child would be very hurt if they though I would hit my grandchildren
The mother in law??
My child also talks about the mother in law, they do everything wrong.
I'm quite sure that I would be spoken about in that way also from the partner?
So very hard to agree on all levels, but in saying that she need to respect they way you wish or want to parent,yes it will be very different from how we where raised or parented,so if she is new to being a grandparent maybe you need to guid her in the way you both wish to raise your child X
It's against the law to hit a child with a wooden spoon, reminding her of this may just break those old habits, you wouldn't hit adult if they did something you don't like so why hit a child!
Her house, her rules.
If your children obviously needed a smack, than they deserved it.
Do you want your children to be unruly while being minded by other people? Knowing that they will get disciplined at home, but get away with it from anyone else?
And what's worse? If no one else can give them discipline, then they will go their whole life getting away with everything and becoming little shits who break the law.
And if they go to daycare, it's even worse! Because there is no discipline at all!
My DD gets smacks from my MIL, but you know what, it does not stop her from loving her Grandma or wanting to visit her Grandma.
Children need boundaries, and the people that they are around the most (family) need to show them boundaries.
It is not illegal for children to receive a smack on the bottom, as long as it's an open palm or doesn't result in the child being bruised and battered up.
No wonder why we have too many unruly children nowadays...