Hello this is my first time posting on there, I just don't know what to do... I'm a single mother of my 4 year old boy I broke up with my ex when my son was 2.... At first when we split up he was seeing my son every week, calling him and visiting him, but about a year ago my ex got himself a girlfriend ( she also has two kids of her own that don't live with her) but when they got together his relationship with son changed, to only seeing him every second weekend and never spoke to him other then the 2 days he had him.... Then my ex had a bad car accident and didn't see or speak to my son for about 4 months then with a little push from me he started talking to my son again that was great my son was so happy loves his daddy but the girlfriend is very in control my of ex... So just before Christmas last year he got kicked out from here he was living cos of drugs don't really no much about it... So he didn't see my son for Christmas and called him the day before to wish him merry Christmas that was the last time he spoke to him or seen him..... I spoke to him once he said he was going to have my son one weekend but never showed up .... I don't won't me ex to keep coming in and out of my sons like what can I do
9 Replies
Actually the best thing you can do is stop encouraging the rekationship. Don't make it easy for him. Don't contact him, don't send him messages etc.
If he wants to see his son make him take you to mediation (again if it has previously occurred), to prove that he can be stable.
But I wouldn't be handing my kid over to him when he pops back up.
Making him go to mediation isn't stopping him from having a relationship it's protecting your son from his unstable/toxic lifestyle.
No I wouldn't hand my son over this time.... I'm thinking of going for full custody... It just scares me
Rarely is full custody granted these days, don't waste your money and time. He sounds like he will disappear on his own.
I heard from his mother that he won'ts all my sons cloth that she has at her house..... My son tells me his dad's gone all the time and brakes my heart... A friend of mine said something about legal aid does anyone know anything about that
I would actually suggest the opposite.
If he contacts you to ask for time and you say no, it can look bad if he takes you to court.
I'd suggest you take the first step and go to mediation. Get a parenting plan put into place so you're both protected.
Ask for visits to be supervised until he can prove himself to be a stable parent.
Ask for random drug testing to be apart of the agreement. If he fails, he'll lose visitation until he can prove that he has sobered up.
It might also make him less likely to be in and out of your sons life if he realizes there are consequences for doing so (by breaching a court order).
And hopefully if a legal agreement is put into place, the girlfriend will finally realize that she hasn't got a say in anything.
One of the last thing I said to him is he need to take a drug test before he see/ take my son that was just after Christmas so I'm guessing he will fail it
My son lived like this for years, until I decided enough was enough and stopped contact all together. I've been called everything under the sun for my decision, but quite frankly I would prefer my son to have solid and consistency rather than a drop in and out father. Now years later, my son is secure, safe and most importantly he is happy. There is no sadness because his father decided to change his mind and not turn up. Disappointment is something is can learn in other ways and not from a dead beat dad.
Can I ask what injuries he got in the car accident and if his drug use started before ir after that? So far I haven't seen anyone mention it (here or fb) and having a number of family members been in serious crashes I've seen the effects on people mentally... not that I'm excusing his behaviour, just trying to understand the full picture.
His drug use started before the crash.... I've been told he had a broken 1 leg then someone said both had been broken, but I don't know exactly what injuries... and there someone also said he had brain damage.... But know my son father knocked on my door last week wonting to see his son which I let him only when I was there but one off his excuses was that his girlfriend lost her two kids for reasons unknown to me so he though he would make it easier for her but not seeing his son so....