Hi IMs,
This is a lengthy story/question, so please bare with me.
A bit of back ground info: I have two beautiful children to a not very nice man. DD who is three (four this year) and DS who has recently turned two. Their father and myself have been separated for quite some time now (almost two years, we were together for three. I am now in a new relationship with an amazing man who treats myself and my children like royalty). During the time their father and myself have been separated there has been two AVO's, domestic violence, stalking, harassment, threats and assault. His last stunt has him having no visitation with the children until we go to court. His family have also decided that because he has no contact with them that they don't want it either unless its under their terms. My DD clearly remembers who her Daddy is, my DS is however completely unphased as the last time they saw him was well over three months ago and that was just for a day.
My question? My DD has occasionally asked when can she see Daddy, but is now starting to ask the "why cant I see Daddy questions" more frequently. I want to be completely open and honest with her at all times, but obviously in a way that she can relate to. I want her to know that her Daddy isn't a 'bad person' but has made bad decisions, I also want her to know that this is in no way her fault and regardless of everything that she is very very loved. How do I approach this? I feel like I am completely out of my depth here. It shatters me to know she remembers the arguing and bad things her Daddy has done.
2 Replies
Give her a time frame, for example, not for a long time, after your birthday, after Christmas. She just needs to know in her mind what she's waiting for.
As for reasons, don't go into it. Just that you need to make sure that you and daddy can both be the best mummy and daddy for her and the people who will help that happen are going to help, that's what courts for, because we all love you to the moon and want you to be healthy and safe.
Just be as open and honest as her maturity allows you to be.
He next time she asks, sit her down and tell her that daddy needed to take some time to himself because he was being naughty and needed to calm down.
Tell her that in however long (when your court date is) a bunch of adults will get together with mummy and daddy to see if he's calmed down enough to come back and play with her.
Let her know that she did absolutely nothing wrong, but that sometimes adults make mistakes and need a bit of a "time out" occassionally.