My partner and I have been together close to two years, we have lived together for over six of these months.
He sees his daughter every second weekend(4), I have my daughters (5 and 3) all the time.
We are still working on blending our family and there are still issues even though they all play together well, there are usually lots of arguments. My partners daughter is an only child so is having trouble adjusting more so having to share as she is not used to it, and not getting her own way each time. Both of us work together to make sure ALL children still feel loved, cared for and listened to.
Recently my partners ex said that their daughter was never happy when she came home from being with her Dad. That she didnt like playing with my children. She told him to stay somewhere else on the weekends he has his daughter. We know that the children all have a lot of fun together, they fight almost like sisters though and I guess that is one of my partners ex's issues. We always make sure that his daughter has time with her Dad to herself but we also like to do things together as a family (we all enjoy ourselves when we are out) she has never shown any real dislike at being here, unless she has been in trouble. We don't know what to do. Partners ex has said 'she will take it further' if he does not stop having their daughter here. I dont know what I'm asking but I feel that the arguing between children is normal and that stopping her from being at the house her Dad lives in will serve to make her feel like even less of a part of her Dads life? How do you help children in blended families feel accepted? Sorry for the long winded post!
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4 Replies
I don't believe she can "take it further" where he has his daughter is non of her business. The children, in my opinion, need to just deal with it. If this is going to be a lasting relationship, there is absolutely no way in hell I'd be conforming to her "stay somewhere else" request. Its ludicrous. That may sound blunt and harsh but you are all now a FAMILY so its time to behave like one, siblings fight, no big deal and of course she will get upset of she gets in trouble or something doesn't go the way she would like and then of course she will get upset and tell mum she doesn't like it. Been through it all and honestly, as long as all the children are treated equally and loved just as much as each other, she will get over it.
Let her take it further she won't get far.
It sounds like the daughter is saying she feels sad that she isn't getting the time with her dad anymore, which even if she had him alone once a fortnight isn't much. She's saying she feels unfulfilled I think you should listen to that. Maybe instead of trying to be fair and treat them the same, she does need some extra time and special treatment from her dad.
What's the harm in him taking her camping or somewhere over night just the two of them. Filling up her cup. She'll be much happier to blend after that, as opposed to if she loses out and just has to deal with it.
I am a step mother and we have been together for 5 years we still have issue at times. We went to cancelling to sort it all out it was the best thing we ever did. For us it came down to when they went they would cry and tell their mum they hated it 1 because they got attention from it and 2 because they thought that if they went home and said how much of a good time they were having with me then she would get shitty. At our house they tell me they love me and then when they go home they tell their mum they hate me. They are older now and have told me they do this so that it takes the pressure of them from their mum. My point is she will behave diffrently at diffrent houses try mediation or counselling. I get the feeling the mother is just trying to cause problems though. Ride it out when they get older and understand things a bit better its awesome