please be kind. I'm in a very confused place right now. Long story short, 2 and a half years ago I found a file on my mans laptop (I was looking for our new Bones episodes not snooping). It was made up of my sisters modelling photos which he'd hand selected and had been using as masturbation material. He works FIFO and I was 7 months pregnant with our 2nd at the time. It was a really tough pregnancy - lost one foetus at 7 weeks, severe morning sickness and pelvic issues from the 2nd trimester on. Needless to say I was devastated. I still am. I stayed because I was pregnant and scared and didn't know what to do or where to go. Now I regret it. I've even made the mistake of marrying him late last year in the naive hopes it would make things better but it hasn't. I have always been told and made feel that my sister was better than me and prettier and more popular throughout my teenage years, which he knew still affected my self esteem. So he basically done the one thing I've always had an underlying fear would happen. It makes me sick to think of.
To make it worse any time I try to bring up how much I'm hurting over it he cracks the shits with ME for making him feel bad. I just don't want to have to pretend anymore. I'm exhausted both mentally and emotionally but my problem is my girls ADORE him. And he's a great Dad. I didn't have a great Dad growing up and am from a broken family. Internally I am struggling so hard.... Do I stay for my kids and give them the "family" I never had?? Or do I do the selfish thing and leave? They truly adore him and the thoughts of hurting or damaging them in any way is just destroying me!!! I've never felt so lost and numb as I do now.
5 Replies
If you can't get over it, don't stay for the kids. He can still be a wonderful dad from his own house. The difference is you will be able to be a wonderful happy whole mum and role model.
Me I couldn't stay with that either. Wanking over your sister is just about the grossest.you'll easily find someone who loves you and makes you feel like the whole world. And you deserve that feeling.
Firstly, it's not selfish to leave. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't.
I think you need to get counseling because there are a lot of issues to address here. Please do that xx
You're a stronger woman than I. If my partner had done that he wouldn't have a penis attached to his body anymore! I'm kidding. Don't do that. That won't help...
Good luck Hun
I'd leave. This is the relationship role model of want for my children. I'd be crushed if my daughters thought this sort of relationship was normal.
Creepy he's wanking to pics of your sister. Who does that?? What a weirdo.
How'd he get his hands on those pics? I mean, were they available through the internet? Did you have copies? Did she give them over to him at his request?
Does your sister realise he's been masturbating looking at her photos? Is she thrilled by it?
I don't know what to say, but that's creepy and gross.
I'm going to look at this a little differently - this happened 2 and a half years ago.. What happened when you first found out? Did he delete the pics? Did he talk to you about it then? Had he done anything since along this nature? Maybe he thinks that it's been dealt with and he's sick of it being brought up.
No matter what you decide to do I really think you need to go and see someone to talk through your issues. It seems like there's a lot of unresolved problems and the most important thing is to be happy with yourself whether that's in a relationship with this man or by yourself.