Hey sisterhood, So I posted yesterday that I was going to the doctors today about a mental health care plan and that I was really anxious about it. Well went to the appointment today and I really wanted to open up to my doctor but he didn't allow that opportunity, he just referred me to a psychologist (which I was able to see today), I was a little saddened by that and my anxiety heightened while waiting for my new appointment with a stranger. Well I did it, I talked about my issues and it was really hard and despite talking, she asked me if I wanted to be here and I said yes, and she said well you need to tell me everything and it was so daunting... But I calmed down a fair bit after awhile... Well by the end of the appointment, she said she can't help me because I have really high anxiety and that she needs to refer me to a clinical psychologist (she's a generalist). I left feeling like I didn't accomplish anything (despite opening up for the first time in my life, I felt a little rejected). She told me the doctor should prescribe me anxiety medication, but then found out because I'm breastfeeding I can't take them. So now I need to ween my little boy, he's 18 months and only feeds for comfort now. But I've tried a lot of things like yoga and exercise, eating healthy, changing my thought patterns, belly breathing but it only works temporarily and then everything creeps up all over again. And it doesn't help some of the major things I'm anxious about either, like I can't stop symptoms coming on despite me telling myself positive thoughts and stuff. My brain is just so busy.... So anyway, I've booked in to see a male clinical psychologist, but it's not until next wednesday... So here I go again, stressing and panicking over this appointment and it's not for another week :( I wish I could shut my brain up without resorting to alcohol :( I really do need help. It's been building up since I was 10 and now I can't hide it anymore. Time to tell hubby all of this that I've masked and just dealt with silently.
anxiety part 2... Not much of a question but would love some experiences
anxiety part 2... Not much of a question but would love some experiences
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care
10 Replies
You are getting much closer to the help you need. You are finding the correct psychologist and that makes a huge difference. You've coped up until now and a week is quite a good wait in the scheme of things. I've had to wait 6 weeks before.
You did fantastic to open up, I'm sorry the GP didn't let you talk but he/she probably has very little qualifications in counselling and I don't think it would have gotten you to where you need to be faster. You would have just repeated the story3 times, plus sometimes when you start to talk about it it can trigger things, make things worse for a little while and a psychologist is trained to handle that.
You've done really well and not much longer now.
I think admitting you need help and seeking it out is such a brave and wonderful start. I'm sorry the doctor didn't allow for you to open up as you wished but it shows a lot of strength that you were able to open up to the psychologist. Please don't be disheartened and feel like it was a waste of time. You took a massive step opening up to her and she's putting you on the path to getting the help you need. It's not going to happen overnight, it's going to be a long road.
I'm so sorry you've suffered with this by yourself for so long. Im not sure if it would help you but when I told my partner about my issues I wrote a letter because I knew there was no way I could voice the things I felt. I also started writing in a diary every night as a way to start recognising what my triggers were.
Good luck mumma. You have so much strength x
Do you have anxiety too? Can I ask, is it a lifelong journey? Cos someone said that and I'm panicking thinking about having to manage this for the rest of my life.
I know where it stems from, I know a lot about myself, and I need to be emotionally available and clear headed for the career I want to under take. I can't be constantly worrying and feeling anxious.
It went really well at lunch time too. I don't think he fully understood, but it was still good. Like I told him what it's all from n yeah. When he came home from work I was actually genuinely happy to see him... Could've been cos I just had a coffee (which I don't think I should be drinking)... But I just don't know what feelings are genuine anymore cos I mask everything.
I had depression. Have maybe? In hindsight I suffered from it from a very young age. I would be fine for a while and then I'd slip into a low. Eventually I would struggle out of it again and the cycle would restart. I was obviously very good at masking it though because it wasn't until I moved in with my partner and I couldn't hide it 24/7 that I faced up to it. I don't know how you've done it for so long, it must be exhausting for you.
I say have because I think it will always be a part of me and I'll always have a little fear that it will return but since going to the doctors nearly 4 years ago now I've been really good. I was on medication for about 6 months before weaning off (so scary but I did it!), I saw a psychologist, I started exercising and eating better and I started a diary. I think what helped me most though is telling someone, my partner, and even though he couldn't fully understand how I felt and how I could possibly feel that way about myself he was there for me. Not feeling ashamed about it and trying to always hide it took a huge weight off.
I'm glad it went well telling your husband. He probably won't ever fully understand, he just needs to be supportive. Give him time, he might struggle to understand for a while and all he'll want to do is fix it which of course he can't.
Try and trust in your feelings. Allow them to happen. Trust me, I know how hard it can be. Chances are you were genuinely happy and it wasn't the coffee. You've finally opened up to him and shown him your true self and he still loves you. That's definitely something worth making you happy!
Email me or look me up on Facebook if you like - my email is shenzy14@hotmail.com (and yes it was created years and years ago!) I'm more than happy to chat x
Oh and the last person that's commented on your post about the lifelong journey put it so well! x
First thing you need to know is that you're doing amazing! What you've done is such a big step in the right direction! Great work!
Now,
Breastfeeding -
18 months is such a wonderful accomplishment! You need a pat on the back for lasting so long.
There are medications you can take that are safe for breastfeeding, but it will still affect your little one.
Weaning might be the best option, but speak to whoever prescribes you the medication to see if one of the "safer" options are suitable for you.
If not, you'll find other ways to comfort your son and you'll both be fine x
As for being referred to someone with more experience, look at it as a positive!
I wasted years bouncing around from psychologist to psychologist before I found one who was able to help me. You just skipped this step and save yourself a lot of time.
Continue your breathing/yoga/etc, speak to your husband (it is such a weight off of your shoulders when someone else knows) and the week will go fast!
Try drinking some chamomile or red raspberry leaf tea to help settle those jitters, and remember that alcohol just makes the anxiety worse when it wears off.
Don't forget to give yourself a special treat as well. Those therapy sessions can be draining, so try and make a day out of it if possible.
Treat yourself to lunch or buy yourself a new shirt as a 'reward' for getting through it.
And most of all -
Remember that you will be okay.
Sending love and positive thoughts in your direction xo
You 3 girls are amazing!!! Thank you for replying <3 I really don't know how I'll make it through to next Wednesday arvo while waiting for my psychology appointment. I really need to be confident and be present next Mon, Tues and Wed for my classes. But the anxiety is just getting so bad. I'm sinking into a rut because it's all starting to come out. I really wish I wasn't breastfeeding now so I can be prescribed anxiety meds. I can't stop freaking out. I'm also really sad because I've been off from my class all week and I haven't had one person ask if I'm alright :( On the bright side, I opened up to my husband over lunch today. But I wish I could just speak to someone now, despite me being a nervous wreck and panicky today, I did kind of enjoy talking to someone and that they were listening to me.
You can always share more with the imperfect mums if you need it! But keep concentrating on all of the things you're currently doing to help you, you'll find that they'll still be great strategies once you've started seeing someone regularly. And talking to your husband can only help. I hope it went well at lunchtime with your talk with him x
If you really want to give up breastfeeding then do it. You've done wonderfully well to breastfeed for so long, but as someone else said if you talk to your gp there should be medication you can take while breastfeeding. It's completely up to you.
Could you maybe organise a little weekend away with your family? Even if it's just a trip to the beach, just something that you can do to distract yourself a little and time to watch your beautiful little family and lose yourself in their love and happiness
As Sandy said, that's one of the reasons this page exists!
If you need someone to talk to, just post here.
Or if you need a friend, just let me know and I'll post my email so you can find me on FB xo
I'll jump in on the 'life long'
Yes it is life long, but not in the way you think. I've never ever felt as anxious and unwell as the first time I presented to the GP.
I know how to manage it now, I know when/if meds are needed and which ones work for me. I know my CBT and I know when to use these things early rather than getting to the point where I do need a week off work for anxiety.
I can manage my life and I don't live in that constant state anymore. I know when to present to my GP rather than trying to grit my teeth and get through it.
So I'm present and very clear minded. I had a very high pressure job. It was not an issue. I have a very high stress responsibilities now with my complex needs child. My anxiety doesn't stop me from doing any of it, because I've learnt the skills and although I do have to manage it and get in early it's not something thats stopped me from working in a very challenging role.