Living with chronic pain

I'm not sure I have a question. Might just need to talk.

I was born with a hereditary neurological disorder that is progressive and causes almost constant pain. Add to that some herniated discs and consequent surgeries to correct them, and I'm now coming up on an almost solid year of bed rest and highly-medicated days just to try and HOPE to feel better when it's all said and done. Depression wants to set in, shame and guilt, too...it all feels pretty overwhelming at times.

I get by with a few meds (some non-narcotic, even) and am able to be a functioning, happy, semi-productive wife, mom, and human being most days. Then there are those truly awful days when I question my very existence, wondering if I'm any good to anyone.

My youngest son wants to be a doctor when he grows up (he's 6). He is always wanting to "take care of me", and tells me he wishes I didn't hurt anymore almost daily. His sweet spirit is both heart breaking and soothing all at once.

My eldest son (he's 9) seems to have inherited the same disability as me, which drives a seering hot knife straight into my heart some days. He is a fighter, like me, though, and I know he'll find a way to trudge forward with guts and gusto!!!

I guess I just need to know I'm not screwing this parenting thing up by being "sickly". One will learn to fight, while the other will learn compassion for those fighting. Is that enough?