Okay so I have been debating wether or not I should post and decided to just do it.
So I have an unwanted pregnancy, I actually have no idea how this as happened as my husband and I always use condoms and I'm on the mini pill. I have always been obsessed with not having a second child, my husband has an older child from a previous relationship and we have our two year old son.
We now we have hit this wall, I have tried so hard to prevent falling pregnant because I didn't want another child and yet here I am. Pregnant.
Some of me wants to keep the baby as I still feel that it's my baby.
But then I have this huge part of me that doesn't want to go through with this pregnancy, I'm so content and happy with how my life has been going that I don't want to disrupt it, financially bringing a child into a family will only put us backwards. We are in a two bedroom family house while we try and save for our own home as its a huge dream to buy our own house so where would I put a baby that has no room?
My husband is going through the process of joining the police force which means if he gets through he will go away for 6 months will minimum wage. Another financial hiccup.
I work three days a week and my son is in daycare. Would I have to start working full time again so now I'm losing time with not just one child but two?
Anyway.
My question is, has any one been in the same situation and had a termination and it was the right decision? Or have you kept the baby and you still feel a termination would have been a better option. I know we will always love our children. I get that. But surly sometime when we don't follow the plans we have set for ourselves we regret it a tiny bit, right?
I just feel that once you have a baby there is no Turing back, if it gets to hard or we end up broke you can't just give your child back. And I don't know if mentally I'm ready for two children.
I'm rambling now and I hope it makes sense thanks.
Unwanted pregnancy. What to do?
Unwanted pregnancy. What to do?
Posted in:
Pregnancy
27 Replies
Honestly if I found myself pregnant now, there is no way I could have the baby. I would not cope enotionally of financially.
Everyones situation is different, everyone's ideas are different, so only you and your partner can make this decision.
There is no such thing as 100% contraception. So don't beat yourself up.
Why don't you speak to your GP about getting some counselling etc?
I think if you're having reservations about it, you'll regret it. A baby means forever, but so does termination. Yeh you might struggle for a while if you have it, but that season will pass eventually. I hope you find solace in whatever decision you make xx
I had a termination, my first pregnancy I didn't continue with for various reasons.. I now have two wonderful children and not a day goes by that I don't regret what I done and regret the fact I didn't "man the fuck up" so to speak and take responsibility for what had happened. It's 10 years on and I ever year on my due date my heart aches, I killed my unborn baby and I have to live with that! I would give my whole life right now to have that child in my life and to take back the choice I made! Don't do it! Just have the baby and love that baby with your all! You'll make it work I have two kids now no family and were on one income things are tight but my kids have loads of love in their life and it's just untill I'm back at work full time then it will be smooth sailing
I had a termination, my first pregnancy I didn't continue with for various reasons.. I now have two wonderful children and not a day goes by that I don't regret what I done and regret the fact I didn't "man the fuck up" so to speak and take responsibility for what had happened. It's 10 years on and I ever year on my due date my heart aches, I killed my unborn baby and I have to live with that! I would give my whole life right now to have that child in my life and to take back the choice I made! Don't do it! Just have the baby and love that baby with your all! You'll make it work I have two kids now no family and were on one income things are tight but my kids have loads of love in their life and it's just untill I'm back at work full time then it will be smooth sailing
I have done both
I had my youngest and wouldn't change her for the world I'm so glad I had her ( I was on chemo so the chances of falling pregnant were very low) , I have since fallen pregnant and I knew I didn't won't another child I had an abortion, I have days where I think about the baby and what could of been . I know I made the right decision for myself by having the abortion I had my husband full support either way . It's a hard decision to make , please remember we never regret the children we have ( I hope this has helped ) sending hugs xx
Honestly this is something that only you and your husband can decide.
I have 3 kids and I know if I fell pregnant again I honestly wouldn't know what to do because I DON'T want any more kids but the thought of terminating would kill me inside.
With your financial questions. You will just cope.
Kids can share a bedroom, especially when they are so young it doesn't matter if say a brother and sister share. Who knows? By the time your little ones need to have their own rooms you could be financially stable to buy/build a bigger home!
They don't need all the bells and whistles. It's okay if they don't have the latest toys and gadgets and whatnot. Kids honestly don't care about that stuff. They just care about being loved, fed and warm.
I know I haven't really given much advice as such but I hope my insight helps a tiny bit.
Big hugs and best of luck with your decision xx
I was in a similar situation myself,and I kept the baby only because the father wanted her. I know heaps of people will probably judge me, but that stupid saying "you only regret the kids you don't have blah blah blah" is not true. I love both of my kids, but honestly I still 4 years later regret not getting an abortion for the second. The father left anyway and had nothing to do with her, so I am stuck raising 2 kids alone, and having a child you never wanted can be just as bad. I keep feeling resentment towards her, even though it is not her fault contraception failed. Then I feel guilty for those feelings, because I do love her. I often think about how much easier and better my life seemed when I only had my first child. Don't feel pressured to keep the baby if you know you truly don't want to.
My youngest child was unplanned and I thought it was the end of the world but it wasn't . You wil regret the termination. You and you husband need to discuss better contraception such as a vasectomy . If you're serious about no more children make it a permanent one.
My youngest child was unplanned and I thought it was the end of the world but it wasn't . You wil regret the termination. You and you husband need to discuss better contraception such as a vasectomy . If you're serious about no more children make it a permanent one.
I had a termination when I was 18 (I'm now 32) it was the hardest decision I've ever had to make but I did it because I couldn't bring a child into the world when my partner and I didn't have the best relationship. Fast forward 10 years and I was going through the biggest struggle of my life to fall pregnant.... But never did I regret the termination. You need to be 100% sure it is what you want. I also had another surprise baby last year and wouldn't change him for the world. Everything happens for a reason and life throws curve balls it's about how you deal with them at the time, do what's best for you!
I found myself in this exact situation 2 years ago, I had a termination and I don't regret it. It was a hard choice it's not something I did easily, we have 3 kids and although we could have easily made room for more, I knew I mentally could not have another and my family would suffer if I did. Making this choice doesn't mean that you won't ever add to your home, it just means that it's not the right time just now... I hope you find peace xxx
I've been there. I had 3 children & was trying to leave an abusive relationship when I found out. I was devastated. That is honestly how I felt.
We weren't in a position at the time to even afford a termination. It was horrible.
There were always questions. I always wondered what it would've been like the other way. I finally left the relationship for good when she was 12 months old. I struggled even more because I could finally breathe, yet I still had a baby to be there for.
But I'm so in love with the cheeky, stubborn, independent 5.5 year old snuggled up to me asleep right now.
I don't have 'regrets'. Maybe only because I can't think of my child that way. But it's taken over 5 years to get past the 'what ifs'.
Our situations are very different though. You won't be exposing yet another child to DV. You only have one child, society almost looks down on you when you pass the magical number of 3 ? Those things all had an impact on my mentality at the time. Still do.
Good luck with what ever decision you make x
I have had one before . I don't regret the decision of terminating the pregnancy. But I do have the regret of making sure I didn't ever have to face that decision. I don't think it's selfish to pick this choice even though it's not an easy one. And it's not for everyone. You have to take in alll considerations of how it will impact you and your family. Financially emotionally etc etc. Good luck I hope you find peace with whatever you chose.
There is no shame in having a termination. Thousands do it every year, with everyone having there own reasons for doing so. If it is not the right thing for you and your family to have another child, then the choice is yours.
I had an unwanted pregnancy. I never wanted children and was on birth control and fell pregnant.
I didn't want the child and my husband did. I chose what I thought was the right thing for us as a couple and had the baby.
I love my child but I regret having a child that I didn't want. There are days that she brings me a lot of joy but there are more days that I regret the choices I made.
I was not financially or mentally prepared to have a child for life and I knew that but still did what I thought was the "right" thing.
Having a termination is not an easy way out, as some people view it, at times it is the most responsible choice for all persons involved.
I hope you can find what is the right decision for you
Thank you for your honesty.
I never thought I would terminate a pregnancy but then a situation came upon me and as hard as I found it at the time it was emotionally one of the hardest things I have ever done I do not regret having the termination for the sake of my other children and myself it was the best option for us. Trust your gut only you know how you feel and if you could have another baby! Don't let anyone make you feel guilty or shamed by your decision as they have not been in your shoes and it's a very personal decision that no one makes lightly!
Hi IM,
I have gone through with a termination just after meeting my OH a good 9 years ago. It wasn't the right time for us either. We since went on and had two more to add to the three (Brady bunch) we already had.
Don't feel bad, only you and hubby can know what the right thing to do is. I don't feel bad at all for what I did, no regrets from me.
I had a termination on New Year's Eve just gone. I had only just had our second beautiful boy in August and we both decided it was best not to follow through. Mentally and financially we felt the right thing to do was not bring a baby into the world that we could not care for. Both my pregnancies were rough and my second was really tough and I couldn't put my family through it again. don't get me wrong though it was very hard and I still struggle with it now but I know deep in my heart we did what was best and that's all you can do. There are many people that will say to keep it and it was meant to be but I believe we all have a choice and a choice to have a child should never be made lightly especially if you know you can't be 100% the mum you want to be! Whatever the decision you make I wish you all the best it's not easy and I really feel for you! I hope my story helps in some way for you ?
I jad an abortion 5 years ago and have never once regretted it. Not everyone regrets termination. I wasnt ready for a second child at the time and I stand by my choice. Do what you feel is right.
I was in a similar situation last year. Having just had my third baby I unexpectedly fell pregnant again. Although I had actually wanted a fourth baby, the timing was literally the worst it could be. We were struggling so badly financially and I had only just gone back to work so wouldn't have been elligable for paid parental leave. Etc, etc... lots of others factors involved too.
I was 50/50 on the decision, even after some counseling. Lying on the table I was still 50/50 but went ahead with it. Now, 7 months on (and just after bub was due) I feel the same. There is partly relief but also a lot of sadness. It's a decision I have to live with and some days, the guilt almost kills me.
Only you can make the choice, you're the one that will have to live with the consequences. My only advice is, money isn't everything and an unexpected baby might be a bump in the road but it doesn't have to throw your life permanently off course. Goodluck x
My partner and I were in the exact same boat a couple of years back, exact! We didn't go through with it which we are totally at peace with the decision we made. Still to this day, I have no yearning for the child we chose not to have. However, we have fallen pregnant again, it's still not ideal but we are alot more prepared to bring another child into this world. Our child together and his child are very happy which makes us extremely happy and ready to face the challenge and joy a baby is going to bring :-)
Good luck with your decision mumma and rest assured the choice you make has to be right for you and your man xx
I never wanted children, and when I fell pregnant unexpectedly with my son I felt the same way you do now. I kept my son, and raised him for three years before giving him up for adoption about a year ago. I couldn't love him more if I tried, and I wish I could have given him the life he deserved, but the fact is, I just didn't want kids. If you are sure that you don't want another baby, I would honestly recommend getting a termination, as there is nothing worse than resenting the way your life changes when a child comes along that you didn't want. It doesn't mean you don't love the child, just that you didn't want that life.
Please keep your bubba. Please. Either decision will last a lifetime. One way has hope and love. The other regret and sadness. Life has struggles, and even if you get rid of your baby, that won't guarantee they will be less. It could even be worse. It's not worth the risk, and the fact that you're having doubts suggests the risk of lifelong regret and sadness is high. Please don't think I am coming from a place of judgement - the opposite. It's coming from a place of love and compassion, and not wanting another mother to have to live with lifelong pain. Big love. You can do this xx
My husband and I had our son and 10 months later fell pregnant. We terminated. We were saving for a house and it just wasn't the right time in our lives. It was a hard decision but we were just extremely careful following that. i don't regret the termination and 3yeats later I am pregnant and we are over the moon. Do what makes both of you happy. This is a long term thing and if you have plans and it's not the right time then that is just how it is.we don't think about it or talk about it. It happened and I don't care what anyone says it's not a baby yet. Goodluck
Hubby and I terminated a pregnancy as we were happy with our 2 children and both agreed we didn't want a third. I have never regretted my decision and I don't feel bad at all
Hubby and I terminated a pregnancy as we were happy with our 2 children and both agreed we didn't want a third. I have never regretted my decision and I don't feel bad at all