Hi guys.
I have a almost teenage son who given any chance or option prefers to sleep in my bed or in same room as me.
I love him to pieces and consider it cool in someways and not others.
I separated from his father when he was 2 and on and off since birth he has been in and out of my bed .
He has lived with both parents full time at points and in a 50/50.
He has returned home this time after 3 years full time with dad and me visiting every holidays and me going for mid term visits .
This is not a new thing or even because he is home.
He has been like it since birth.
He copes better and does sleep better in my room.
I have most of his childhood not had another man in my bed .
So why should he sleep alone and had never grown out of it with me.
Has his father but not me.
Even when there is men in my bed.
I will still happily watch a movie in bed with all of us and crash.
Not very night and he didn't sleep with every night .
But asked every night .
I love the fact that at nearly 13 he is still cool with open love and affection.
He has no problems spending time at friends or social issues.
He is a little bit sensitive at times.
We have had a few years of constant bullying at school and schooling struggles.
I am cool with him being in my room.
There is something comforting about having a child in your bed.
For me it feels safe knowing he is safe beside me.
For him I think it is the same reason he feels safer and sleeps better.
He has however no Boundaries when it comes to me.
He will still walk in when I'm in the shower or toilet , getting dressed.
I personally think nakedness is normal and it doesn't bother me.
Its not embarrassing him yet. Surely it will.
I don't sleep naked with him or him me.
That being said .
I caught him wanking the other day.
I can see my boy changing to a man.
I am feeling that our mother boy relationship is changing to mother and man.
I don't wanT to kick him out of my bed and stop him ever being that kid.
He is a sweet sensitive soul and I am raising a kind and gentle man.
That being said he is changing into a man and now needs to know boundaries .
I am a woman and his mum .
You can't just barge in.
He only does it me though.
Everywhere else he knocks first.
I know that he doesn't see it but I felt like he was checking my tits out the other day.
Now I know that it wasn't sexual or anything it was just plain and simple like wow there is tits.
And tits are starting to excite him.
He has seen them so many times over the years on and off .
But somehow it felt different .
I don't want to embarrass him and make him ever feel uncomfortable with me.
It is the thing I love most about us we talk and he shares with me.
We are very close
That is going to be important in his teen years to have that open conversation .
Help IM's in similar situation .
Do I need to have that conversation around boundaries.
Or will he stop naturally and grow out of it?
Or has it not stopped and at they are happy well adjusted adult?
Or am I making a mumma boy?
I honestly can say I hope when he is 40 years old and has his own kids they all come hop in bed with nanna. Or chill on the couch
He is becoming a man before my eyes every day and I want to raise a good strong funny kind and smart man .
He is all of this but I wonder am I the only mum who 12 year old sleep with and loves it.
How do you cope with the growing child thing and boundaries.
7 Replies
I'm sorry, sole parent to man here. You need to stop this now. It's wrong on so many levels and co-dependent. Your boy is not a boy he is a man biologically. You need to let him grow up healthily and that is by him and you sleeping separately. This is the time that WET dreams start, and it's not appropriate for that to be happening in your bed. There is a big difference between sleeping in bed with mum and everyone sitting on the bed watching a movie.
You have to set the boundaries as you are the mum. He is not your replacement partner.
And I've never caught my son noticing my tits. Alarm bells are ringing
I have a 12 yr old son too, and in many ways i can empathise with you and i do understand the comfort of co sleeping, it is difficult at this age when they are still children and yet puberty has started. I realy do feel that some boundaries need to be set here. He is not a 3 yr old boy anymore so the privacy needs to go both ways.
Can you lock your bathroom door? If not, just mention to him that you are having a shower and not to come in unless its an emergency. You are the parent here and need to be the one setting the boundaries, theres no needbto make a big deal out of it and make him feel embarassed, but just start closing doors when getting dressed and asking him for private bathroom time (everyone is entitled to that) and the co sleeping needs to start declining. You dont want an 18 yr old son sleeping with you one day. He can sleep just fine without you at his dads house, so he can sleep on his own at your house too.
Express your love and affection for him in different ways, still cuddle him, but outside of the bed.
Own room now...no more co sleeping. He isn't a baby and the fact that he is noticing your boobs and you caught him having a pull...seriously, what would you think if another woman wrote this?
Also, you don't want him thinking that no girl can ever live up to his or your expectations...hopefully at 40 he will have kids and not still living in your garage.
Yes maybe its time for a chat and tell him he is expected to be in his own room and you both can have your personal space. Trust me not many teenagers want to be sleeping in their parents bed. With the growing up talk. Do you have a close male friend that could speak with him? Uncle? Older cousin? I think male bonding session over boy things and they can have a laugh about it. Goodluck
We don't shut our bathroom door when showering unless we have guests. Every weekday morning Hubby showers 1st, then calls me & when I'm finished I call our son (14.5) there's no standing around staring it's just 1 in while 1 gets out. Our daughters (9&4) bathe together at night unless Miss9 needs her hair washed,then she showers between me & Mr14 (as she needs my help) my kids will come talk to me while I'm getting dressed (not by invitation, just because everything's important for kids) Miss4 is the only 1 that occasionally sneaks into our bed in the early morning & that's being discouraged. I think you've answered your own question as to the appropriateness of your 12yo sleeping with you. If he's "checking you out" it's becoming an unhealthy relationship & well & truly time to stop.
When one of my younger half brothers was about the same age he used to go to bed in his bedroom but would wander in to my mum and step dad's bedroom. They had co-slept with him from when he was a baby and it was the same with his younger (and my half) brother. He'd just sleep along the bottom of the bed. I'm pretty sure he grew out of it on his own. You do need to have a talk with your son though if he's starting to make you feel uncomfortable barging in on you when you're getting dressed etc. If he really can't settle on his own maybe consider having a single bed in your bedroom for him.