I am a proud single mommy of a 5 year old little boy who has sole custody (willingly given my the father), and his father is not involved. I moved back home with my son when he was 4 months old and his father only called me twice. He pays child support, but don't contact my son in ANY way! Last year (2015) he hasn't sent my son anything for his birthday and nothing for Christmas. I've asked him about it, but to no reply. When I go to his home town to visit my family, he wants to see his son, but I do not let him go by himself. Why would I let my son go somewhere with a stranger? Even my ex's side of the family don't phone my son, but, they do send him birthday and Christmas gifts. We went to a store one time and he was telling someone that this was his boy, looking so proud of himself, but yet does nothing for him. My son only knows my side of his family. My family does soo much for him and loves him unconditionally. My ex isn't even in contact with me asking how school is or asking about his birthdays or Christmases. I know that every child should know their parents, but my son don't know who his father is. Why should I show him pictures of his father when he isn't even involved in his sons life? So, my question is, should I let my son see his father whenever I visit his home town? Does he deserve it?
4 Replies
It's not about what he deserves. That doesn't come into it.
Yes I'd take him visit. Just like id take him to visit an absentee grandparent. If he isn't dangerous, violent etc I don't see any reason to stop the visits.
My sons other grandparents live across the seas so they don't get to see him unless they visit him...which they did...twice! And no, his father isn't violent, and yes I still might let him see my son, but my son isn't going alone.
No way, not alone that's insane. He's a stranger and a parent by blood only you'd be neglecting your son to drop him off and leave.
Up to you if you stop altogether. It's you going there, personally I wouldn't do it. The father should come if he wants that relationship, not you. It's his job to make his relationship. In my experience you pushing it won't do any good. Those mixed messages and stupid things he says are hugely detrimental.
Agreed with other comments that its not really about what the dad deserves. Don't just send your son off alone. You are absolutely right, he is a stranger. Offer a short (1-2 hours, depending on how things go), supervised visit. Perhaps at a park, Maccas etc where there is less pressure.