So here goes. I left my ex 3 yrs ago becuse of dv and his ice habit. we have two beautiful boys together, in the last 3 yrs he's seen our kids a handful of times and only because I've contacted him. Now here is the problem, he contacted me a week ago (hasn't seen them or contacted them in 18 montgs)asking to have the boys for the easter break but I don't think its a good idea as I've heard through a reliable grapevine that he's still smoking ice but my kids love their dad and were always daddy's boys and really want to go ( he asked them before asking me) I feel really guilty for not allowing them this time with their father. Am I being selfish by not letting them go?
4 Replies
No your looking out for your kids best interests. Maybe let them see him in a supervised setting one day but no way would I ever let my child be alone with a person who's using or I even suspect using dad or not.
Hell no! Do not let them go!
Before any contact occurs he needs to take you to mediation and get it in writing.
It's your job to protect those kids. There is no way id let them go. He'd only be getting supervised visits until he could prove he was healthy, clean, safe, then moving to a few hours unsupervised and then moving to an overnight etc.
The fact that he has asked for a full weekend after virtually no contact shows me he has no insight into this situation at all.
This was almost exactly what I was going to say.
Start the process of mediation and only allow him to have supervised visits (in a public location would be best) until there is official paperwork in place.
I'd be too worried that he wouldn't return the children. Its odd that after 18 months of nothing, he suddenly wants a full weekend.
Let him step up and be a father. Let him see the children. But make sure someone else is there until paperwork is in place (and you can include for drug tests to be a part of the parenting plan).
Hi ladies I'm the IM asking this question. He started the mediation thing at the beginning of last year. I agreed to it started getting everything I needed together for it and had a meeting with a lawyer then got a letter the day after the meeting saying that he couldn't be contacted to organise it so was awarded a letter to state that fact. I have never stopped him or his family seeing or contacting my kids but they very rarely bother. I guess I just wanted justification that I am doing the right thing.
I sent him a message the other day saying he couldn't have them and if he wanted to have them that he would have to prove to me and the kids that he is off the drugs and that he can't just breeze in and out of their lives as he pleases.And his reply was "to easy". That's it nothing else. I was expecting him to go off at me like he always has done. The only thing that really upsets me about the situation is that my kids don't get to spend time with their half sister who lives with him.