Hi ladies, I am a little confused on what to do. I am currently pregnant where the father does not want anything to do with it or the baby what so ever to the point he has said he doesn't even want to be on the birth certificate. I am fully prepared to raise this child myself without him in the picture clearly I can't force him to be and nor would I attempt to force him.
He wants me to tell everyone including Centerlink that I had a one night stand and don't know who the father is but I'm not comfortable lying in general let alone to people close to me or a government agency.
I would like him to sign a statutory declaration to state he is the father not for any other reason then for my child to find him if one day my child wants to know the father. Now the father is trying to get out of even doing that but am I wrong to want that signed for my child sake?
Unwilling father
Unwilling father
Posted in:
Pregnancy
7 Replies
Not wrong at all!
i got legal advice while I was pregnant due to similar circumstances and was told the best way to go was to get the stat dec signed versus getting birth certificate signed.
Don't worry about fighting with him, just cease contact, he has made his feelings clear. Centrelink will probably send you to a community lawyer after bubs is born and they will take care of everything. Basically lawyer sends him a letter threatening to take him to court if he doesn't sign.
It's not as stressful as it sounds. The court can force him into a DNA test and then will declare him the father based on results.
Yes it's a bit of a hassle but nothing more. So don't stress and don't try and force it, let the authorities deal with it :)
Thank you for your reply & advice :) I didn't think I was wrong but was a little unsure if I was over reacting thanks to hormones or if he was just trying to make me feel bad. Good to know I'm not the only one who is or has been in this situation.
I think your 100 % doing the right thing
Well, if he didn't want to be a Father then he should have worn a condom. Seriously men, grow a set. That is always the risk with sex. Bad luck for him that he gets to be a Dad. he can either choose to pay and have contact or choose to pay and have none. Having said that, if he wants 50/50 then is he Father material? Will you be happy with this child going to him week on/ week off for the next 18 years?
You dont have to lie, be thruthful and he will have to sign a stat dec for child support purposes. If he refuses I think you can apply to get a dna test through courts.
I have been through the same thing three years ago, its really emotional and can be hard to accept. If you find yourself struggling please seek counselling, i didnt and after bub was born I went downhill.
Also as my childs Dad decided he didnt want to be there, we have a consent order in place stating i have sole parental responsibilty and that he cant contact the child until his eighteen. We didnt have to go to court together or see eachother to put the consent order in place. It was a fairly cheap option to.
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Caitlyn: I'm in much the same situation and am trying to wrap my head around everything before Bub gets here.
A lot of these commenters have no idea what they're talking about, but here's the long and short of what I have found while researching:
1) The Birth Certificate
Even if you write his name on the forms, they won't issue it if he doesn't sign. My baby's father won't sign, but I offered him the opportunity anyway.
2) Centrelink
Do not lie to Centrelink. It is a government organisation and if the baby's dad turns around in 5 years and decides he wants to be involved then it will create a world of pain for you if you've lied to them for the last 5 years. Centrelink will take money for child support from him and give it to you. If you're anything like me, you won't want this guy's money. A stat dec won't actually be any help - it doesn't hold enough weight and also if he signed one saying he is not the father it is a lie.
You can arrange a private agreement with the dad re: child support payments so that Centrelink don't get involved, or you can look in to what I am looking in to, which is:
3) Get a Voluntary Consent Order
A judge / court default to the belief that both parents of a child should have equal say over major life decisions. This includes the baby's name, religion, schooling, medical treatments, and living arrangements.
I recently realised that I can't go travelling with my baby if I don't have signed permission from the father, who I know won't lift a finger to help me.
So there is a document you can fill out called a consent order that I would suggest talking to a family law advice agency about.
You would need to complete it to say that both you and he agree to give you sole responsibility for the child's major life choices. It doesn't take away his rights if he did decide to get involved later, but it does mean that you don't have to chase him down for a signature every time you need to fill out some paperwork for your child.
You need to make an argument as to why the father shouldn't have half the responsibility, this is something that family law or a lawyer will be able to help you with.
Please don't pay too much attention to some of the awful comments above. No one but you knows your situation and so they can take their sweeping statements and shove it. You and I aren't the first single parents in the world, and we certainly won't be the last.
Best of luck with your baby!
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