Hoping u could post annon??
Has anyone separated because the step father and step child don't get along?
Step child is 12 and we have been together since SC was 3, SC sees stepfather as dad although SC knows he's not.
We also have 2 together.
SF is hard on all 3 but as their is a 8 year age gap, its a different hard
I feel like they have lost all respect for each other and its too the point he's done and so am I.
We are about to separate.
We love each other very much but the friction between 12 and him is a constant drag
We feel Luke we've tried everything and the only option left is to separate and share the other two.
I'm just so torn.
Stay together and battle through or separate....
She loves him dearly but even she feels like she can't do anything right.
He's tried to 'connect' with her but its like a brick wall with these two...
What would you do?
This has been going on for over a year now and we are all so drained.
5 Replies
If I can't respect someone's parenting of my child I couldn't be with them. Kids come first everytime. My clashing rekationship didn't get as far as yours did but I could not continue to bring someone in my home who didn't get on with my kid or who I didn't respect there pate ting skills of my kid. Kids have very little control over the world and although kids need to be disciplined and taught at home I also believe there needs to be a balance of home being there safe place. If it's not there safe place then that's not fair.,
If you separated he wouldn't parent her? Or.is that your choice because of how they don't get on?
If he's like that after this long, it's time to go.
This is a very important time developmentally for her to have positive relationships with male parents.
My first question is
1. what happened just prior to his all starting? You say this has been going on for over a year now... Think back and find out what happened to create an issue. - assuming that the relationship between sc and sf was fine prior.
2. You and your partner have been together since your daughter was 3 and have since added to your family unit, consider that maybe you have all fallen into a rut and need to change things up a little to get back to where you were as family?
My hubby and I have been together 10 years and each have baggage from previous relationships (children...) we have hit a few walls over the years but we have always been there for each other and supported one another. We made a commitment to ourselves and our children for better or worse. I wouldn't dream of throwing away our life together over this. Both your husband and daughter need to give consideration to one another and I personally would think your daughter is getting to an age where I would expect there to be a few hiccups. At the end of it all only you and your husband can decide if your family unit is worth fighting for.... Or not. I wish you and your family the best of luck and hope that everything works out for you all.
I am going through the same thing with my partner and my 2 bio kids. He is very hard on them my daughter in particular. She is 15 now and has been around since she was 5. They previously had a very strong bond and a close relationship and then she hit high school and it has all gone down hill. Tbh I'm prepared to end our relationship because it is doing more harm than good for the kids with him being there. He has seen a psych a few times and then never went back. He turns to me constantly and expects me to have the answers which I don't. The whole relationship is just slowly killing us all with the constant tension/stress/arguments etc.... Like you I have no respect what so ever for him as a parent now and very little for him as a person either. That's not a healthy relationship.
The teenage years are HARD regardless of the family dynamics. I don't agree with the "children come first" line of thinking - you have 2 other children to think of and breaking up the family is going to affect them too. You and your partner need to be a united front - it's the two of you against the rest of the world, especially during the hormone-raged years. Seek family counseling, read books, decide on household rules and boundaries and support each other to enforce them. They will need to sort out their differences between them to a point as well. They may just be too much alike!! But all of this doesn't sound like a reason to give up on a relationship - worry about yourselves first, and then work out how you can give the upcoming teenager the space she needs to figure herself out and be prepared for the boundary pushing and stress that comes from growing up.