Hey Sisterhood,
I wrote in a few months back about my boyfriend being emotionally abusive, lying, talking to other girls behind my back, name calling etc.
The good news is, I left him at the start of January! I live with my Father now and it's been really good! -Please note, we live in the same town as each other-
Now I have a new problem...
We don't have court ordered custody or anything of our little miss (almost 9 months). She is solely breastfed and has severe eczema, so I have her all day, everyday.
I have told her father that he can visit whenever he wants (within reason of course). To begin with he would barely visit her at all and would even go days without even messaging me asking how she is. On 2 occasions he told me he would visit (on his days off) and he never showed. On several other occasions, after only visiting for less than an hour, he had to go home to "do housework", I found out not long after he was seeing a girl in that time frame. He chose this girl over time with his daughter.
About a month or so ago, he apologised for everything he has said and done and told me he still loves me etc etc. During that time he was visiting almost every day. I didn't fall for it and told him I would never get back with him. Basically since then he can go a week or two without seeing her. Although he messages me every day, it seems like an afterthought because he will send it in the late afternoon. (He works the afternoon-night shift) And he will only ever refer to her as "bub" or "my daughter" he never actually calls her by her name. It's almost like she is a possession.
This week for example, he hasn't seen her in over a week and when I asked why his excuse was he has been "having really bad nights". He had all of yesterday and today off work and still hasn't visited her.
He does not give me any money for child support, I am in the middle of doing it through Centrelink.
My question is, if I were to go see a solicitor or legal aid, would I get anywhere? He is in and out of her life and she deserves to have her father that is there as much as he can be, not when it suits him. He puts himself before her every single day.
Edit: I don't want to force him into being a Dad.. I'm worried that when she is older he will want to have her over night, and he would take her from me, never to be seen or heard from again.
I know this is highly illegal and some may think I am being over-dramatic, but that is just the kind of person he is.
I would like to know if it is worth speaking to legal aid about him only being allowed visitation.. Sorry if there was any confusion x
3 Replies
You can't force him to be around. So I'm not sure why you want to see a lawyer for. My son's father only see's him ever 2-4 weeks but he still loves him that's just what he chooses or things do come up both sides we can't help. Also it depends what you talk about on the phone. He would probably have more interest when she's older and can talk back to him.
No, they can't make someone be a dad.
Anyway you'd have to go to mediation before even going to court.
I wouldn't stress and I wouldn't contact him. Let him do the work.
If you are worried about him taking her. Take him to mediation get it set in stone and pay for the courts to sign off on it. But I'd wait and see if he bothers to contact you when you don't contact him.
What I found was when I stopped chasing and he realised baby time wasn't a time to be with me, that he stopped contacting and just eventually disappeared.
If he doesn't contact you then you don't need to do anything. If he continues to make spasmodic contact then take it to mediation.