Hi IM's!
My son has started kindy this year and one of the teachers at the school and I have a very strong undeniable chemistry. The only problem is that he is married. I believers marriage and everything it stands for so there's no way in hell I am going to become a home wrecker.
My question to you ladies is: Have you ever been in my position? How did you make your feelings go away? I see this man every single day at the school and cannot move my son to another school as he has settled in well and has formed some great friendships. Please Help.
TIA
21 Replies
You just tell your self no, is the chemistry reciprocated? If not remind yourself that e is married, he is off limits and you will find someone you can call your own eventually. If it is still remind yourself that he is your child's teacher he has a wife and he is not yours.
Make your drop offs short and sweet. Talk to the teachers assistant and not the teacher. Get a communication book and write down anything more you need to ask in there and put it into your child's bag or into the assistants hands. Limit all contact.
We all form attractions but we don't have to act on them. I have a partner and I love him very much. He has a mate and the chemistry between us is undeniable and makes my partner jealous. But I'd never act on it ever. I just tell myself that I'm not going to be a good time girl. You deserve better than that. Just keep telling yourself you'll find someone who isn't taken and who is and can be yours.
Thanks lovely. He is not my son's teacher, he teaches another grade. And yes it is reciprocated, but I will take what you said on board if he does end up teaching my son at a later date! I can imagine that would be a difficult thing with your partners mate but I am hearing you loud and clear there is absolutely no way I will act on my feelings, I might need to start using another school entrance as well.
Haha the worst I've ever seen my other half was when he looked his mate in the eyes and said "do I need to be worried ********, she's mine" his mate laughed it off, I got a severe case of the 'I can't believe you said that's' then I realised we probably do flirt and talk. But it's my other halves hand in mine. It's his kisses I desire. Before I met him I was in love with a man. But I wasn't what he needed just something he could conquer and have until he found his miss right. I would see him and melt just looking at him. I waited for his messages and over thought everything. When he got a partner it was me who still got messages and me he flirted with. I saw him out last year but didn't approach him. I was with my partner and ignored the looks he was out solo but wasn't single. I got a message after I left asking me if I was happy with my old boy. I responded but not the way he wanted me to.
You are doing the right thing, it might help you if you do get to talking again if you can't avoid it to ask him how his wife is. If that's not a shut down I don't know what is. I used this line with the previous guy and haven't heard from him since...
How awkward!! And yes absolutely. What a complete arse that guy was!! Glad you gave it to him hahaha. Oh that is PERFECT!!! Why didn't I think of that?! Thanks so much honey, if it comes to it I will ask him how his wife is. Brilliant. I am so glad I wrote in now.
Thanks lovely. He is not my son's teacher, he teaches another grade. And yes it is reciprocated, but I will take what you said on board if he does end up teaching my son at a later date! I can imagine that would be a difficult thing with your partners mate but I am hearing you loud and clear there is absolutely no way I will act on my feelings, I might need to start using another school entrance as well.
If he isn't your sons teacher don't talk to him. There is absolutely no reason why you need to be in contact with him. Keeping your distance is the only way to go.
And remember if he'll cheat with you he will cheat ON you.
Hey honey,
I have no intention of cheating with this guy as per my post. I am just needing ideas on how to keep my distance when he knows my routine with drop off and pick up points etc. I will take your advice on board and keep my distance. Thank you.
Just walk off if he approaches you!
I am going to find that hard to do as am friendly to everyone but will be strong as can see it could make things very uncomfortable down the track especially if he ends up teaching my son at some point. Thank you
Are u saying he tracks you down? That seems a little off for a teacher and married man. Be polite but give him the cold shoulder. If he still persists be verbal and tell him you are not interested as he is married (and a married man cheating is no man in my book)
Yes he does. Thanks honey, I am really hoping he gets the hint as don't want to have to come out with it unless it is my last resort. Thanks for the helpful comment!
We will always find people in life we find attractive or have chemistry with. But thats probably all it is-chemistry.
And it will most likely fade given some time.
Are you sure hes not just a flirtatious man?
Avoid him for a while and things will settle down.
God I hope so! And no he isn't as have been watching him with the other mums and he is only this way with me. I am thinking the back gate for drop offs and pick ups so that I can avoid him. I hope it settles like you said. Thank you!
Maybe try to see him as a sleazy cheater, a disrespectful rat, a seedy stalker, married man hittinh on students mums while he's at work is about as.off as you could find, tracking you to do it is alarming and seedy.
Think how disrespectful he is being for treating you as if you are ok to be a.bit on the side, and maybe then you'll find it in you to stop being as nice to him as you are to everybody.
Why is he talking to you? I'm a teacher and I only interact with parents of the children in my class or students that I have in a sporting group or dance etc what's his reason for approaching you? Seems strange
Omg! I am totally in the same boat, having feelings for a married man sucks! I have had feelings for this man for a few months now and it's tough, I'm sorry I don't have any real advice to give you only that I know how you feel and I wish I could share stories with you cos I'm in the same boat (with slight differences I'm guessing) I hope you don't fall as hard as I have though because it's a tough situation to get out of.
I was heavily involved in my childrens primary school with the p&c and all that.
I was on a first name bases with all the teachers.
There was one I was flirty with we used to chat and hang out during school hours.
We even used to steal drinks and bites of food and everything.
It got to the point someone said something to my husband. Now my husband trusts me 30000%, as do i him, just turned and looked at them and said "thank god I was wondering why i was getting a break at home"
Now nothing even happened, but it made people talk and when that happened, we just stopped talking as it wasn't worth it for my kids.
Just back tell him to back off as married it married.
If he is chasing you down, then maybe talk to the principle if you saying back off doesnt work, you may not be the only mum he is hitting on.
I was heavily involved in my childrens primary school with the p&c and all that.
I was on a first name bases with all the teachers.
There was one I was flirty with we used to chat and hang out during school hours.
We even used to steal drinks and bites of food and everything.
It got to the point someone said something to my husband. Now my husband trusts me 30000%, as do i him, just turned and looked at them and said "thank god I was wondering why i was getting a break at home"
Now nothing even happened, but it made people talk and when that happened, we just stopped talking as it wasn't worth it for my kids.
Just back tell him to back off as married it married.
If he is chasing you down, then maybe talk to the principle if you saying back off doesnt work, you may not be the only mum he is hitting on.
Your feelings will eventually go.
If you're commited to not acting on them (and good for you) just enjoy the friendship, try not to be too flirty and enjoy him in your imagination during special alone time ?. He's probably quite flattered but would hopefully not act on it either if he's a decent man, which it sounds like he is.
We're allowed to be attracted to and have chemistry with other people. Don't beat yourself up over it.
Yes I've been in that position. It was soul destroying and three people walked away damaged.
I was younger and I was on an internet dating website. I met this man and he was everything I ever wanted and more. We did have an undeniable chemistry - even strangers stopped us in the street to say how good we looked together and how perfect we were together. We complemented each other perfectly and it was like heaven. The sex was great, me made me feel wanted and we connected unlike anyone is connected with before. Then I found out he was married - he'd checked his emails on my computer and forgot to log out. I saw an email from his wife - they were clearly having problems.
Then I did a horrible selfish thing that I am not proud of. I continued the relationship. I was so drawn in and too far in love to pull out. I held on to hope that he would leave his wife. After 18 months of this - not having him on Christmas, having a miscarriage, long lonely winter and lots of pain I started seeing other people. It was almost a reckless punishment for both of us. I could see how much it was hurting him but by this stage I was angry with him just as fiercely as I loved him. I also developed am eating disorder, again as a punishment for us both.
Then I found out his wife was pregnant. She then found out about me. I can't imagine what she went through in her pregnancy knowing that her husband was in love with someone else as well. She would call me and I wouldn't say anything but listen to her scream down the line at me. I deserved it. I stopped seeing him, it hurt too much that he was having a baby with someone else (even though I know she is his wife and that he should only be having babies with her). For months she would send me messages first thing in the morning to remind me of what I had done to her. I never responded, because she was right.
He ended up really unwell, and I felt like I destroyed him. He changed through all of this to someone who was frail, and had almost lost touch with reality. All of the stress and the lies and deceit and complications took their toll on everyone. He was no longer the same person, and our 'relationship' could never be the same.
God, I still love him with everything I have. A passionate all consuming love - like I found the person I was meant to be with, so long as I had met him just a few years earlier. I believe he still feels the same way, and for months afterwards we would try to make contact, I would just pick up the phone and hear his voice. My heart hurts just thinking about what everyone went though.
My advice.... Don't open the can of worms.
Know that what you're feeling seems more like an infatuation. You have no idea even if he was single if you would like him once you got to know him intimately, what the dynamics of a relationship would be like, if he would suck in bed, his bad habits, bad qualities etc. Envisage yourself three years down the track with this guy doing horribly unromantic things - cleaning toilets and paying bills etc. don't let yourself get swept away in a fantasy, any relationship that progresses would go from infatuation to a committed love that's a lot less sexy and intriguing
If his your sons actual teacher have as little contact as possible, remind yourself daily that his married, don't speak to him about anything other then your sons education and I congratulate you on not acting on your feelings, it's not wrong to be attracted to him, it would only be wrong if you acted on it which you clearly don't want to, do you have a few girlfriends you can talk to