I am going to admit that I am completely jealous of women who are financially supported by their husbands. That's a hard admission because I have worked very hard to be financially independent.
I will give a little bit of a back story, I became a single mother at 30, before that I had been a stay at home mum to 3 for 6 years. When my first marriage ended and I had nothing and had to go on the single parent benefit to support myself and my 3 children I swore I would never be in that position again. I enrolled at university and for the next 4 years I worked hard! In my last year of study I met a guy, fell in love and got married.
Fast forward 5 years, I have a job that I love! It is physically and emotionally exhausting but I really do love it! I make good money and I know that no matter what happens I will never need to rely on government handouts again (and I am eternally grateful that I live in a country that has these benefits in place for people who need them).
My husband is a great guy and is generally great around the house, helps out with my kids from a previous relationship(he gets up every morning and gets them ready for school because I start before they are awake). He works full time but his job doesn't pay great so my income is the main income in the house.
So it seems I should be happy, and I am, but I can't help but feel jealous of friends whose husbands support them financially. I have friends who work but it's just to supplement the mans income and I think to myself "that'd be nice". I know that as I write this its ridiculous, we have a good life, and I don't even know why I'm writing it, maybe just to see if anyone else out there ever got everything they think they wanted only to long for something else? Though I think if I got my wish I'd hate being dependent on another person again and want my independence back anyway.
5 Replies
I think it's normal to a point. It Would be nice not to have the pressure of being the main income earner, guess what, I'm pretty sure a lot of main income earners, including men feel the same. :)
But I'll let you in on a secret, you are set up now, your friends are vulnerable. You know it, and I know it. Some of them will be lucky enough to stay married, and be able to go back into the workforce on a fulltime basis. Some will not be that lucky as they will end up divorced and trying to rebuild a career.
The biggest growth sector of homelessness is recently divorced women in there 50s where they didn't have a career, marriage broke up and left to survive on low part time wages with children who have left the nest or Newstart!
Yep, despite the fact it would be nice to be looked after, of course it would, it's a false sense of security for many.
Try as I might I can't be jealous of a dependant woman for her dependency. I feel it has made my relationship stronger (or at least not weakened it) as we don't stress or argue over money because we both have our own income and between us we're keeping the bills paid. I do have the mum envy though, the "I wish" moments where I may have missed firsts because I was at work, or wishing we could have gone camping more or done other things together because I just didn't have the opportunity to do them. I hate seeing posts from people I know that don't work taking their kids to theme parks, away on weekends or week long holidays at the beach all the time and knowing I can't do that as often as they do due to work restrictions. Kind of another version of the same thing I suppose...
Just so you know, I'm jealous of you to a point. I'm a nurse working 2 days a week. I'd love to be a higher earner
I agree and feel the same to a degree. I think it is because we are almost programmed from a young age that our prince will come and rescue us! Fairy tales have a lot to answer for!
I'm a single mum of one and I feel kind of like this. I wish I had a husband like all the other mums at my sons school who support each other.. But I don't... They expect me to have one but I don't... And if I was still with his father he wouldn't be supporting us. He never bought anything or tried to help get things ready for baby. He has a great relationship with our son but if we were together I would feel the same as you. Or worse like my mum who my dad never worked or helped at all.