Hi mum. I'm in my early 20's and found out yesterday I'm 7 weeks pregnant. The father and I found this as a shock as I got told if I haven't been able to fall pregnant in the past, there's an underlying issue. I was booked in for surgery to find out the issue. Now the main problem is this, the father and I are no longer together and I'm torn on what to do. He's made it clear that if I was to keep it, he doesn't wasn't to go down on the birth certificate. There's a slim chance of us getting back in the future, but if I choose to keep it will made the decision for him harder. I'm in a different state to my family and have little to no support where am I. I don't know exactly what I'm asking, just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation before.
7 Replies
I found out I was pregnant when I was 20. The father wouldn't be in the picture if I had the baby.
Don't make a decision based on the guy. If he doesn't want to be on the birth certificate and has made his opinion clear, make a decision based on what you want. I couldn't imagine terminating a pregnancy for a guy who 'might' want to get back together in the future. And I'm very pro choice!
What do you want? Do you want a baby. Will you worry if you terminate that might have been your only chance? What do your doctors say? Is it possible for you to move closer to family or do you have good friends?
Having a baby on your own, can be hard, but it can also be so joyful and I've never regretted my decision to have my son.
But make this decision based on you, not some guy who might or might not be in your future.
Completely agree with this ^^^^^ response. Couldn't have put it better myself. Best of luck to you, whatever you choose!
I did and now have a beautiful 17 year old daughter. You would be surprised at help you can get and once child is born you are willing to do anything for that child :) I could never imagine giving up my daughter when I was pregnant - you both will have a bond that cannot be broken xx
Plan around you and whats best for you. After that response from the guy, I would be leaving him.
Whether or not you keep the baby is a decision you have to make on your own. Will you be able to cope? Do you have family and/or friend support? A good job? This of after you've had the baby as well. Does paid parental leave give you enough $$ to stay at home or is childcare an option?
Also look into your mental state to have the bub.
Im not alone, I do have my partner but we've recently taken a break. It takes a toll on you being a parent, and stress on any relationship.
Hi I am sorry to hear you have been having a hard time- these moments can be very confusing and painful. I have also gone through a painful time in the past not knowing whether to continue with a pregnancy because of the precarious relationship I was in. I chose to have a baby, and I am very happy I did, but I was much older, had a career etc, and each woman has to decide for herself- it is a really big thing. First, sounds like you really need support about your decision making given you are not with your family/support. Not sure what state you are in but there are a range of free services that offer counseling to women around this sort of decision making. Be careful as some seemingly supportive services are run by anti-abortionists who will try to push you away from abortion as an option- it is your choice what you do. https://thewomens.r.worldssl.net/images/uploads/fact-sheets/unplanned-pr... This page has some references for places to find support- some are Australia wide- or try the women's hospital or Family Planning Association in your state. Telephone support is also possible if you are isolated. You have to way all the factors up as I am sure you are already doing. Either way can be OK- not always easy, but you can find the support to live your life the way you want- with or without a baby at this stage of your life. The counseling can help you with all of this, and no one should push you. You say 'he doesn't want to go on the birth certificate', but it is not as simple as that. This would be something work getting help about if you decide to continue with the pregnancy. You and the prospective child would have some rights, although it is complicated. There are pros and cons about having a potentially inactive father listed on the certificate (listed= child support payments, but he also gets contact and other parental rights if he wanted them etc, not listed = you get 100% say in baby's future, but he doesn't take any physical or financial responsibility for the child- he is and was part of the conception). He can refuse to sign the registration form, but in most states I think you can require a DNA test to prove parentage. The Legal Aid Service in your state will have info/support on this process. e.g. https://www.legalaid.vic.gov.au/find-legal-answers/child-support/proving... That said, I think things are also changing in this area, and I hear now Births Deaths and Marriages are no longer allowing 'unknown' as an option- or it seems at least Centrelink will not make payments on this basis- you would need to get informed.
Anyway, sorry this is detailed- Main thing is know that you are not alone. Many hundreds of thousands of women before you have faced these difficult times. I wish you every strength and kindness for yourself in all of this. Don't worry- there are right and wrong or good and bad decisions, only your decision (and that of your ex-partner if he is involved). No matter what, get the help you need, and know this too shall pass. Life will change, it won't always feel like this.
Sorry just to follow up- someone has posted to you about the Babes Project- Please be aware this group seems to be run by an anti-abortion organisation. If you want neutral support about a way forward- see other options above. They are likely to have a religious affiliation, so up to you if you want that.
I was in the exact same situation 15 years ago and decided to keep my girl. Her biological father isn't on the birth certificate and has never met her. I moved state to be closer to my family again and I was lucky they were a huge support.
I'm not going to lie it's been fucking hard but I wouldn't change it for the world. I have an amazing 15 year old daughter who I love to bits