Does anyone else find it really bloody annoying when people say stuff like "oh I had the time to do it" " I stuggled through it" when parents struggle to keep their house clean or breastfeed. I always hear from others "I work and have five kids and I'm pregnant and I've got all these health issues and I'm still able to keep the house spotless while working a full time job with one kid strapped to me a toddler hanging off my leg but the others over 3 are perfect angles because I taught them from a young age to be respectful." ( actually have seen mothers argue most of these points in their own comments) and " oh I struggled through every breastfeeding issue possible and I still pushed through because breast is best. You should too even if you destroy them in the progress" oh and the whole ending note to both issues " no excuse no excuse" it's the same with many other issues like weight loss and leaving domestic relationships before they get worse. People seem to think just because they did it everyone should be able to. But we're all different, with different lives, different family support, different personalities, different friendship groups, some of us have mental or physical illnesses. Why can't we help each other instead of ganging up on others because they can't do something as well as you can, like wow if everyone could be super mum and dad the world wouldn't have half its struggles but you know life doesn't work that way.
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I agree 100% parenting is fckn hard work. Add in all other factors of life,work, housework everyday stresses. I believe each to there own and parent need to do what works for THEM and their family. I used to let it get to me especially when a friend would tag me in memes on fb referring to the fact that I hadnt folded for a week or the kids have toys everywhere. Mind you she and her husband live with her parents and she has her 1 child 50% of the time and her hubbys 2 kids every 2nd weekend and even when she has her child her parents usually take it away nearly every weekend. I have 4 kids, live in my own house and my hubby is away a lot. If my washing isnt folded or toys everywhere I do not care cause this is what works for me and our family.
I have seen those comments, and whilst most are an 'I'm better than you' statement, there are still a lot that are 'If I can do it, anyone can!'
Sometimes, telling someone they can overcome their problems gives them the motivation to continue.
Although I am careful not to judge, I do want to gloat about how good of a job I'm doing for my family!
But I've learnt quickly that celebrating your successes can upset a lot of women who decided to do things differently.
I have no issue with other parents celebrating their lives and giving advice. I love the posts giving ideas about how to be organised. I just don't like the purely gloating posts that say you should pretty much already be as good.
The worst thing I've heard is two girls discussing how one couldn't breastfeed and it really devastated her because she's such a natural mother.
When I said it happens to the best of mothers, it happened to me & just adding my experience, said I actually wasn't devastated it was better for me once I stopped trying. This girl completely dismissed me and said with complete conviction, no but my sister is the real earth, natural mother, she was just born to be a mother. She's such a natural mother, like she should run a class to teach mothers.
I was a bit gobsmacked at the whole attitude.
Ok it stung to have two women implying that I'm a crap mum & she's a fabulous mum who could teach me how it's done.
But wait a minute, aren't I the one who coped with the situation? So then maybe she could learn from others if she would just stop competing and writing off others so quickly.
It's a high pedestal to put yourself on to think you have to do certain things to be the best at mothering (whatever that is) but at the end of the day the only person that attitude hurts is themselves.
Sometimes you just have to say ok & leave people to it. Be happy and focus on your own Journey.
There's no real perfect mother either just perfect mum for their child and themselves but not everyone else's child. I thought I was a pretty good mum when my son was a baby because he was so easy but once he got a voice it all got a little harder. Though I still tell myself I'm doing the best I can like everyone
Yep I can't stand the whole "Try having 3/4/5 whatever kids" whenever someone with 1 or 2 kids is struggling. I have a friend with 2 boys and one is autistic and she constantly gets the "Try having 3 kids" umm I'm pretty sure it would be harder having 2 kids, one who is autistic compared to 3 who don't have issues (not that it should be a competition anyway!).
People need to stop comparing and trying to make it out like they have it the hardest and instead just support other parents. Also just because someone has it harder doesn't make the struggles of other parents disappear. Everyone is allowed to have a vent no matter how many kids they have or how much harder other parents may have it.
I agree and really well said. I am a mum who struggles with everything and often find a lot of it to hard. I can't stand when other mums go on about how easy it is when I believe the ease of it all depends on your circumstances.