Not for Facebook.
I am super close to my mum.
This year in July I'm due to have my second child. It is by Caesarian due to complications/size etc so we have a scheduled date.
My mum has planned to go on her yearly holiday to Bali right and she is set to come home after I give birth.
She booked this knowing when I was scheduled. It is her sisters 70th birthday and she will be going too and they will be celebrating that over there. Mind you they will be together for 2 weeks prior and you would think they would just celebrate early so mum can come home to be with me and my family at such an important time. They go on that holiday every year.
When I spoke to my mum about how I felt she said " her sisters 70th birthday is once in a life time".
What does she think giving birth is?
We also really need her as I also have a 20month old who I have never left with anyone but her. So I don't know who to leave him with now. Last thing I want is him to be upset. It even makes me want to have my husband stay home to be with my other son and I just have the ceasar alone.
I just feel so let down. I would never deliberately miss something so important for a holiday.
Am I being rude or are my feelings valid?
10 Replies
Sorry your mums life doesn't revolve around you having babies. I think you are being selfish. She has every right to celebrate her sisters 70th birthday. My parents went overseas when I had my first as a sole parent. My baby, my birth, my child, my responsibility. Is it nice if your mum happened to be available for her to help out, sure, but for you to expect it and ask her to change plans for a 70th is unreasonable.
I don't think you're being rude and your feelings are your feelings regardless of if someone else finds them valid. I think you're both showing selfishness Your mum doesn't have to cancel her holiday or book it around you or your family needs to start with (nor your Aunt). It would be nice and it would be convenient for you but she has chosen not to and just like everyone says about "me time", maybe she's just putting herself first and doing what she wants to do. I hope you can find someone else for your boy to stay with.
Whatever you are feeling is completely valid because it is how you feel and feelings cannot always be controlled.
Having said that, you appear to be thinking solely about yourself and what is best for your immediate family and expecting those around you to fall in line. This is not altogether a bad thing, and I'm not saying it to be negative. There is nothing wrong with putting your needs first, but it becomes problematic when you expect everyone else to put your needs first.
Your mum has her own life. You said this is an annual trip, it's a special milestone this year, why should she give up something that she clearly values and is looking forward to, to simply be a babysitter when you are having a scheduled c-section? Find another sitter, let your mum have her family holiday, and then enjoy introducing your baby to your mum when she gets home.
Agree 2 million percent!
Being brutally honest here I think it is unreasonable to expect your mum to drop everything and be at your beck and call. It would be nice of her to help out but it's not her responsibility she's raised her kids and done the hard yards let her travel and have fun.
I completely get where you are coming from. I would be gutted if my sole support system left when I was due to give birth wether it was natural or via C section.
I don't agree with the other posted. I don't think you are being selfish. I feel that you are afraid and you want your mother to comfort you.
There are plenty of other opportunities to go over seas even if it is your mums sisters birthday. You are giving birth to her grandchild.
I believe your feelings are valid on the grounds that it sounds your mum is all you have.
Hopefully by the time your c section is due you and your mum and reached a place of peace and understanding.
Not sole support system. Poster has a husband.
I completely get where you are coming from. I would be gutted if my sole support system left when I was due to give birth wether it was natural or via C section.
I don't agree with the other posted. I don't think you are being selfish. I feel that you are afraid and you want your mother to comfort you.
There are plenty of other opportunities to go over seas even if it is your mums sisters birthday. You are giving birth to her grandchild.
I believe your feelings are valid on the grounds that it sounds your mum is all you have.
Hopefully by the time your c section is due you and your mum and reached a place of peace and understanding.
A sisters seventieth wins. A birth is exciting, but it's yours. Do you have another support person you can call?
Your mum has every right to be there for her sister. Yes it's her grandchild but it's unfair to expect her to be at your beck and call. I do totally understand your feelings of hurt because I'd be hurt too. However, what's done is done. You can't expect her to cancel her plans it just doesn't make sense. They go on that holiday every year so it should not come as a surprise to you.
Organize someone to look after your son. I'm assuming you still have plenty of time. His other grand parents perhaps? An Aunty/ uncle? Do you or your husband have siblings? Close friend? Your son will be fine kids are very resilient.
Good luck with bubba number 2.