My 4yo has been a challenging little darling since she came into the world early and dramatically. You know those kids who never sleep and seem to always be uncomfortable with colic and reflux? That was my daughter. But she never really got comfortable in herself. She's always been very sensitive, doesn't or can't play alone, needs a lot, 100% of what I have to give her. Keeping her on an even keel emotionally has required a lot of balancing and figuring out. Even things like being hungry, the sun being in her eyes, the tag on her shirt, all seems to add to this anger until something small will set it off. But sleep is the biggest thing. You have to structure her day around how much sleep she's had, and not having things in the evening.
I can't really seem to get anyone who's caring for her, kindy, friends- family etc to appreciate the balancing act. They just seem to say, she'll be right and I pick up the pieces. Deviating from the rules for a day can take a week to get back on track. But when you do, she can be the most delightfully funny, smart, articulate little person and a pleasure to be around.
At 4 she still has violent tantrums, scratches and kicks. I'm finding it harder to physicals lift and console her, I'm not a very big person. The tantrums can go for hours. I've swallowed my pride to take parenting courses, speak to professionals to get tips and advice, everyone is very happy to point the finger that I must mismanage her but no one has offered anything helpful along the way. We've done kids yoga, kids meditation. Kindy has been a massive spanner in the works, she's always exhausted. We only seem to get things evened out before she's off for them to ruin it again.
Am I the only one? I had thought by now I would see the end of the tantrum tunnel, I get sick of being hurt and leaving public places with my tail between my legs, having teachers and doctors talk to me like I must be useless I can't 'control' her. I love her dearly and just want her to be happy, it would just help for someone else to say their kids take a lot of finesse too.
6 Replies
Yes my kid has always needed finesse! At times it got easier and times it got harder.
Lucky for us he met criteria for a diagnosis which opened doors to people being more understanding.
What have paediatricians said? Has she had any formal assessments done. I know not all kids fit a diagnosis but if they do, it opens the door to practical support and people are more understanding.
Noone has been willing to even entertain a referral onto anyone because she's got good (pretty amazing) verbal skills, without even letting me get the entire situation explained. I've been to several doctors who seem to think I must be soft and tell me it's normal for kids to be difficult. I've also asked her kindy who took my asking as me saying I wasn't coping and asked if I wanted help with parenting skills. So embarrassing. My other child isn't like this so. It can't be 100% my terrible parenting, surely.
Insist on referral to a peaditrician! A GP shouldn't refuse if you ask specifically.
That's ludicrous.
This is the reason sensory and spectrum diagnoses are missed in girls - because they often are quite articulate and have milder symptoms than boys. However, from what you've described I would say that your darling girl might have a sensory processing disorder or perhaps be on the Autism Spectrum. Obviously it depends what you want to do about it but if you can pursue it and find a GP/paed who will listen and have her assessed, if she does have a diagnosis and some extra help it might make the world of difference to her.
You need to get a Different Doctor, and a different daycare.
Doctors need to listen and understand you are the NUMBER ONE EXPERT on your child. As for daycare my son requires more sleep so they let him (he goes to the younger room for sleeping)
I suggest Sensory Processing Disorder - sounds like my son, who is getting alot better with age. We saw an Occupational Therapist who had heaps of ideas and didn't dismiss us as silly. Get a referral and see what they say, can't hurt! I feel your pain, good luck xx