Hey ladies,
So... my confidence is at an all time low. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for about 7 years and even though we aren't together anymore I still feel like I am suffering the affects of it. I have no confidence what so ever. I use to be able to "fake it 'till you make it" and get jobs, take on a heated discussions, meet new people, speak in front of a group but I can't do it any more! I can't meet new people, I cancel dates, I avoid conflict, I let opportunities pass because I don't have the guts to speak.
I try...oh I try really hard...but my mind goes blank. If I am required to talk at a meeting I will have all these great ideas (that I even write down) and when it comes around to me I have nothing - my notes are just words that mean nothing and I babble with no certainty.
I don't want to be like this anymore, I am sick of being the quiet girl in the room who literally has nothing to say! I am a grown woman with children....I can't be the little girl! I am so lonely and I know it's my fault. what can I do?? all advice is welcome. Thank you
4 Replies
Get to your doctor and get yourself some counselling or psych appointments!
Be kind to yourself.
You've been through a lot, the effects last a long time.
You're expecting yourself to be able to operate like a regular person. When I told my psychologist how bad I felt about myself she said to me, would you expect another person who had dealt with seven years of abuse to be able to function and make small talk when they have all these much bigger issues going on, you've been living in a warzone? No. You wouldn't expect it, definitely wouldn't blame them or criticise them, so be as kind to yourself.
Give yourself time. Set small goals, give yourself a break when you mess up and celebrate how far you've come and the direction you're going! You'll get it back in time.
And by the way I feel much better about myself these days, but probably the best thing is I don't have that negative voice in my head criticising myself, putting me down, tearing me to shreds, telling myself how rubbish/ useless/alien/ embarrassing I am.
That voice is mean and useless and lying and you don't need it anymore.
It's not your fault! Its so important that you believe that. It is NOT your fault! Counselling would be a fabulous idea. Speak to your GP and don't feel discouraged if you don't click with a counsellor first off. I went through quite a few before a found one that I worked well with.