Hi imperfect mummas! I am 29 years old and a mum to three precious girls 1,3,&5 years. Before I'd even had our last daughter my hubby told me he didn't want anymore once we'd had #3, which is fair enough, he is the sole income earner for one thing as we agreed I'd be a stay at home mum till all our children were in school. However, I can't seem to get past this longing and grieving I have for another baby. I always wanted a large family but came to the agreement that three would do seeing as my husband doesn't want any more. Will I ever feel done though? Will I ever stop feeling sad for the baby that won't be? I'm finding it really hard, so hard that I am constantly thinking about it :'( please help me!!!!
3 Replies
If you choose to get past it you can get past it. If you allow it to consume you it will.
There are lots of people out there (including me) who didn't have as many children as they thought they would, for lots of different reasons. Of course you grieve it for a bit but then you decide to get on with it otherwise you just get stuck.
Think about what it is about a big family you wanted. There are other ways to get those needs met. One mum on here said that she craved the chaos and noise of a big family. So has lots of play dates at her place etc. Some people crave the babies but nobody can keep having babies, eventually they grow up.
But if all you do is allow yourself to think about a baby, dream about a baby then it's time to redirect your mind. What other topics, interests, hobbies, career goals do you have?
Agree with the other poster - one of my friends became a midwife so she could spend lots of time with babies and then later she retrained as a teacher and first taught primary, and now teaches lower secondary. This happened over a 20+ year period but she has used her caring nature to care for 1000s of kids instead of just her own (3)
I had 5 and it still didn't feel like I was done.
My then husband had a vasectomy and I did the same as you describe. Grieved.
Like the other posters have said direct your energy into something that you love. Your kids obviously but you need something else.
When my 5th was 4 I went to uni to become a teacher. Best of both worlds :)