Hi mums;
I'm a recently not so single mum ( new partner of 2 years) but I still take full responsibility for my 5yr old princess. I get nothing from her father cause I assume he's playing the system and working cash but I can't prove it and quite frankly don't care. I have worked very hard usually 2-3 jobs to provide for my little girl and am blessed to have amazing extended family to help with her- which she adores- yet I am ALWAYS riddled with mumma guilt that I don't do enough with her. I try my best even though I'm usual wrecked from doing back to back shifts! I sense lately a great sadness in her and it's killing me - I don't know what to do??? This is an expensive world we live in and NOTHING is cheap, I've made terrible financial decisions in the past which is causing great stress and pressure on me now - which is why I have to work so hard.
Has any other parents been in the same situation ??? I'm riddled with guilt but it's to make a better future for her - help !
TIA and please don't be to harsh - remember I'm already beating myself up quite a lot!
2 Replies
Go speak to a financial counsellor. It's time to make some compromises. Go bankrupt, do what you have to do. Working 3 jobs isn't worth the price! Claim parenting payment and work part time-fulltime.
Have a good hard look at your goals etc.
My son and I lived in a one bedroom unit for 3 years. He had the bedroom I had the sofa bed. We were very very happy. Loved the place.
If you have to go bankrupt, do it! It's worth it to be with your daughter
Mumma guilt is totally normal and most of us experience it whether we're a working mum or a SAHM. I think the sadness you see in her may be her reflecting you back at you. It sounds like she's an adorable little girl with a big heart so there's every chance she's absorbing from you. If your guilt is mainly based on not doing enough with her work on fixing that so in your head you're in a better frame of mind about it. There's heaps of affordable things to do that can fit around what you might already be doing and wow lucky you! one kid and a 5 year old girl to boot, think girl-dates! an avocado face mask every fortnight while you watch a movie together and eat popcorn for dinner, matching painted toenails and cheap argan hair oil masks. Hell, she's only 5, have a bubble bath together occasionally and give each other beards and mohawks. Plan for one day a fortnight or month to do cool shit, even if it costs a few dollars so lunch at a cafe, shopping at Kmart for a pretty new dress or shoes, making cool stuff like glow in the dark plant pots to put flowers in or play sand or a chalkboard or a really nice chocolate cake. To take some pressure off you, have you talked to someone about your financial obligations and options? I'd never advocate for bankruptcy unless it were dire circumstances and only you know if this is the case but there's a few options for debt repayments if you haven't already got advice. If you get a CL benefit you can talk to someone there, if not your bank should have an advisor and I know some of the charity groups to do. From one working mum to another, I think it sounds like you're run off your feet and need to give yourself a break. I'm at the far end now, my son is 18 and I'm still working but I remember back to those days of working two jobs, how hectic life was and the mummy guilt, and I know around about where you're at. It does get better, the effort you need to put in now will change as your daughter gets older and more independent so I know you're busted ass after work but I hope some of the ideas above work for you or at least inspire other ideas of things you can do for no/low cost that will get you through.