I just can't mother I know a bit late to realise after I become a mother but I just don't have a mother ability. My son is autistic I'm still not getting much help but no matter what I do he won't sleep he will be up till 3.. And yes I have skipped naps done deep massages I've done everything you can suggest other then medicate. He breaks everything he hurts me non stop and he is only 3. He doesn't communicate at all so no matter what I say he won't stop he doesn't eat anything either.. So I think I just need a vent I'm at my wits end and I'm sick of having all these challenges I just want to have one good day I think just one good sleep I can't mother anymore I just want to cry and give up clearly my kids deserve better but I just want to scream this isn't the motherhood I wanted I know I'm terrible and I love my children for all there faults but I just want that mum life you see on tv so sad and so over it
6 Replies
Oh Hun. You're not a terrible mum. You're in an incredibly tough spot at present and doing the best you can. The kid is fed, has shelter and you obviously care about them to put in all this effort. You're not terrible at all!
You are far from terrible, and definitely not selfish!
But it mght be a good idea to be a little 'selfish'. Put yourself first once in a while and give yourself a break.
Can his father or a grandparent watch him so you can have a you day?
All mummas need a chance to recharge, especially those with special needs children. It doesn't make you a bad mum or selfish, even if you do put yourself first once in a while.
It simply makes you human x
Go get melatonin from the doctor for your son.
Get the sleep sorted and everything seems so much better.
Then go look into PECs for your son. It will teach you both how to communicate.
No advice here but just wanted to send you lots of love & hugs!! Xoxoxoxo
Oh Hun I feel like this most days and I have two perfectly healthy children! Know your not alone. Motherhood is crazy and overwhelming and down right hard. I had a friend tell me I am a super mum the other day and I looked at her like yeah right as if. Then a few days later I told a friend I thought she was a supermum and I got the day look from me and it accured to me we are all supermum to someone and we are all falling apart and thinking we are the worst mum to ourselves. You can do this mummy! Use what you can and reach out for help. Ask your husband/family member etc to please take your children for a few hours so you can get some solid sleep (and make sure they are away from you) and then go from there.
You are not a terrible mother! I could have written this post. My 3yr old son is high functioning ASD, 20 month old is currently being assessed, and it is so hard. As many others have suggested, melatonin has been an absolute lifesaver in this house. You will need a script from your paediatrician and its in a liquid form from a compound chemist. Please don't buy the over the counter stuff. We also had massive communication issues which were causing aggressive behaviours and meltdowns. I taught my son a few key words of sign language (we focused on 2 words to start with that we thought he would find the most useful- eat and help, then added to these as he started using them effectively. His main signs were eat, help, more, drink, finished, yes, no and stop). This massively reduced his frustration levels and therefore his tantrums. There ar some free apps such as RIDBC key words and baby sign which have short videos showing how to do each sign. Also, a visual schedule and visual communication tool such as PECS may help too. A speech therapist should be able to help with both the communication and the feeding side of things. My sons OT has been a miracle worker too, worth their weight in gold!
If you're in QLD And have a diagnosis from a paediatrician you are entitled to funding through Autism Qld, worth googling. The NDIS is also in other states which will give you access to early intervention. It sounds like you need to start being a little selfish and take some time for yourself (easier said than done, I know). Go to your GP and ask for a mental health care plan. Seek help from a psychologist if you need to. You need to prioritise your health or you will become unstuck. Your kids need a healthy happy mumma! If you can have a few hours where family take the children so you can sleep it's really a good idea.
You're not alone and you're not a bad mum for thinking like this. Look into support groups in your area or on Facebook. Keep your chin up, you're doing an amazing job!! Xx