Hi ladies. Seems I always come here to get your opinions. Last post was about neglect and court. I can't say how much I appreciated all the support I got! Thank you.
So here I go again. My ex hubby now decides after nearly 6 yrs his biggest mistake was what he did to me. (Cheating, drugs, lies etc) I moved on a long time ago. But for these years we have been apart I was always asking myself why he hates me so much! The way he'd treat me through our children knowing they mean the world to me. He has made my life hell in that aspect. Using the children to hurt me. I'm happily single and am enjoying this part of my life where I get to find me. But now he has lost everything. Job house license. And he's been sending me messages wanting to do stuff together with the kids. Who the hell is this person!?!? I no that he could have hit his rock bottom but geezers! I'm scared to set him off. I no he's definitely unstable. I said I was ok with us having a talk regarding the kids but I don't want them there as they don't need to get confused and thinking we might get back together. He wanted us to go to church!! Wtf!!!! I'm now feeling a bit freaked out about meeting him. I don't no who this person is anymore. You hear things on the news about crazy ex's and think it'll never happen to you..... But what if? It's not my job to help him anymore but I hate knowing I somehow could. As much as I don't like him, and what he had put our children and me through... He's still their father.
Any advice? I feel like I'm walking on a tightrope
6 Replies
Don't meet him.
He burnt his bridges and isn't trustworthy. It's not your job to fix him. Communicate through email or text only.
Tell him through text/email that you are happy that he is doing better (don't give specifics be very general). That if he really is doing better he will understand that you and the kids need time. So you won't be meeting him. Anything he needs to say can be said via email or text.
Do not go anywhere with him!!!!! Or meet him anywhere
He's trying a new angle.
He realised he's lost you and they hate they, and he's lost everything so thinks he can at least get you, so he's playing nice just to prove he can get you.
Do not engage, he will knock you again, and it sounds like you're doing just fine (which is when we let our guards down)
Thank you! I just want a "normal" relationship with my ex where we can talk about the kids, without him attacking me verbally. I thought maybe I could give him this chance to see if he has changed but I think its safer to keep my distance and keep it email/text as suggested. I don't no what decisions we'll come to with him wanting more time with the kids.... Depends on how much he's pulled himself together. If he's stop doing drugs and actually looks after them.
If he hasn't been involved in the kids lives and make him go threw the proper channels to be involved. That way you will find out if he is serious. If he is serious he will go through mediation, supervised visitation and build from there. If he is just trying to manipulate you he won't!!!
Make him work for it. That's not stopping him from seeing his kids it is protecting them from getting hurt and protecting there mum who is the one stable thing in there lives.
Update.
Now he is back to hating me. Something I'm used to. Back to degrading, bullying and insinuating. Back to, "I won't bother getting a job, I'll study full time and get the kids 50/50 and the courts will give it to me". I understand that he now wants to kids more, he has moved back to where we are living so our court orders aren't reflective of that. But is there any need for his hate towards me in doing it!? There is history. No stability. No licence. Again!! That he is meant to inform me (court ordered) but I've tuned a blind eye at kids telling me. Not him. Child safety want me to update them any time they are with him and something happens all because he doesn't care for them. Eg blood and pus from sons ear. I fix it all. It's so frustrating!!!! The mind games. He's a high up manager when he has a job. Not some low life but yet is like this!! Got told what he is doing is very closelyclassed as dv. But he's smart and hasn't stepped over that border so I can't do anything. I hate this!
The chances of him getting 50/50 are zilch if child protection are involved!
Yes it's all a game to him and obviously it was all an act to get you to lower your guard.
Please stay safe