I have recently found out that I am pregnant with our 2nd child, which should be a wonderful happy time for me and my partner... Wrong.... While we are disappointed in ourselves for letting it happen (I am unable to be on the pill due to a previous DVT) but were lazy when it comes to condoms, who likes them anyway! Yes it's our own fault and these moments are preventable.
2 years ago, 3 years after the birth of our 1st we fell pregnant and both decided that it couldn't happen for lots of reasons so we terminated. Not something I took lightly as I never thought I'd do it. I have no regrets whatsoever, we were not in the right place to bring another child into the world. This time, I'm further along(about 10 weeks), can't terminate easily but in a more delicate situation than before!! House renovations, relationship stress, previous child stress(his 13y.o that refuses to come to us- absolutely devastating but a while other novel) if it's the same sex as we have now it will be fine but if it's the opposite we're screwed as a 13 y.o and baby shouldn't have to share! I know this part is trivial but it's playing on my mind terribly and it's making me doubt having this baby again. I feel like I'm only meant to have 1 child.
Has anyone ever been through this before and how did you come out in the end? I'm not really after abuse just reassuring comments I guess about whichever way we choose to go
Thank you so much for reading my novel!
Am I selfish, horrible, or just normal?
Am I selfish, horrible, or just normal?
Posted in:
Pregnancy
7 Replies
I don't think it's bad that you feel this way, you fully accept the fact that you and your partner should have been a bit more careful contraceptive wise and I think that's great. While termination isn't a pleasant subject for anyone I believe that if you aren't in a position to provide the best life possible for a child then you should re-think having them.
Even though you might have been a little irresponsible by falling pregnant I think you can still make a responsible choice as to whether or not your family is in a position to bring another child into the world.
Make the choice that is right for your family and don't let other peoples judgement and beliefs make you feel guilty.
On the other hand if you decide to go through with the pregnancy then perhaps the feelings you are having now will pass and another child could be a huge blessing to your family.
Best of luck either way you choose to go :)
You're completely normal. To me, these look like completely normal thoughts that come with a surprise pregnancy.
It's a shock! It's no small thing! It's sadness that you had other things going on and working on and getting better/worse, consideration of how a new baby will affect your life and fit in.
I can tell you, if you choose to have the baby, you will make all of those practicalities work. They just work themselves out because you make it work.
I had said no way, that a baby was the worst idea right now, I had big plans things were just starting to happen, but when I found I was pregnant it took about three days of crazy thinking and I just felt in my heart I would have the baby and have to make it work, and I did.
The right answer will sit right in your heart pretty soon.
What ever you decide is right for you! Honestly if I found out I was pregnant again, and even though I've had my tubes tied I know two people personally who still got pregnant, I would terminate without a doubt.
We couldn't move and my son although an adult is unwell enough to live on his own. Plus my hands are full physically and emotionally at the moment. There is just no way I could manage. I mean I'm already reraising my adult son from scratch!
At the end of the day what ever decision u make u will have to live with for the rest of your life. Ive also had a dvt but i was put on the depo shot which has worked great for me. But like others have said maybe something alot more permanent would be better to save this happening again. Iam a big believer things happen for a reason so maybe seek help and your opinion may change because honestly it sounds more like you dont want the child as it wont fit into your current life style.
Even though it is such a hard decision to make it does sound like it may be the right decision for you and your current family. I recently had a termination because it is not the right time in our lives to have another baby. Do it as soon as you can. A friend of mine was further along than you and yes it's very hard, mentally and physically the further you are but try your hardest to make that decision quick. Good luck and just scroll past any negative comments xx
I won't enter into the termination debate - that's entirely your decision and one you should be allowed to make without judgement from us strangers. Do what's right for you, at this point in time. You've probably already made a decision now since it's 6 days after your post. The one thing I did want to say is that if your 3yo has a sibling of a different sex, there's no reason at all why they should have to be in separate rooms! I'm not sure what the big deal is. Put the little kids in a room together. They're going to see each other naked anyway, when they're having a bath/shower, or when they're getting changed for swimming, or whatever. No point in teaching them that their bodies should never be seen by anyone, that's just setting them up for issues down the track. By the time they're old enough to care about whether they're seen naked or not, the 13yo will be moved out of home.
You aren't terrible, you are being honest with how you feel. Only you & your partner can make such a decision. I wouldn't worry about the sex of this baby though. Even if you end up with 1 of each they are little enough to share for quite a few more years. The 13 year old will be grown up before you know it. If you are sure you both don't want more children then can't one of you do something permanent contraception wise?