hi sisters,
I need advice on what to do when my baby arrives next month....
ex and I have separated due to DV and I have a DVO against him and he is to have no contact with me or my two children (who are not his) although our unborn baby is not listed on the DVO.
my question is, do I contact him when I've had the baby or do I leave it to him to try and contact me through a lawyer??
I don't want anything bad held against me in the future in the family courts, as unfortunately he will take it to court to try and get as much access as he can....
I have tried contacting legal aid and they have told me they can't help me until baby is born, but I need legal advice on what to do about when I actually have the baby!!
I'm so stressed out and anxious about it all and its consuming me..
I just want to know what I should do?? contact him or just leave it until he initiates contact?? to be honest I wish he would just vanish forever ?
please help!!
6 Replies
Don't initiate contact. You don't need that stress after just having a baby and having two others to care of as well. If he wants visitation he can seek it through a solicitor. Most courts won't make any orders until the child is 2 anyway
This is a group in south Australia that gives initial advice over the phone
http://www.lsc.sa.gov.au/cb_pages/legal_advice.php
Google similar in your state.
Can you elect for a family member or friend to contact him with a simple message.
"Baby was born on this date at this time" sort of a thing.
That way, he can't spin it as though you're trying to keep him away from the baby.
And courts do make parenting plans for newborns. They just don't normally do overnight stays (without valid reason) until the child is 2 or 3. It's just usually short, frequent visits instead.
An example of someone I know -
Monday for 2 hours.
Thursday for 2 hours.
Friday for 3 hours.
This was for a one year old, which progressed to overnight stays by the time she was 2.
If you breastfeed, it's important to let the courts know as it can affect the time he has with the child, but they can order you to express or mix feed as well.
Many lawyers do free consultations. Find one near you to get accurate advice because every single custody dispute is different.
Thanks ladies, this is my post.
I just don't see how he could have that many visits when he works and he can't come over at night as he's not allowed within 100 meters of my house or to have any contact with my other kids?? Not to mention it's too hard at that time with trying to get dinner and baths and bed sorted...
he also now lives about an hour away... The only day that would suit would be on a Sunday when my other kids are with their dad...
This is why I suggested speaking to a lawyer. Each little detail like this will affect the outcome.
With a parent that works full time, they usually do dinner visits (ex. 4:30-7:30) once or twice a week, and a overnight every second weekend.
But considering this case involves a newborn, that'll be different. Overnights don't usually occur until around 2-3 years of age, depending on the child in question.
And the fact he lives an hour away changes things, too. It means he probably won't be able to do regular 'dinner' visits.
Which could mean less time and only sees the child one or two hours a week - or it could mean the hours get bulked and he gets the child for a longer period of time each Sunday when it suits you both.
But again, I will emphasis that every case is different and each little detail will change the outcome.
It all depends on the child, their age, their cultural background, the lawyers you get, and the judge hearing your case.
But most importantly - if you have concerns about your newborns safety during any access he may have, you need to get immediate advice from a lawyer and make sure supervised visits are put into place.
You can also speak to a lawyer about putting other agreements into place, such as him doing an anger management course.
But you can't even go to court unless you've attempted mediation, anyways. So take a breath, get professional advice, and enjoy your pregnancy as much as you can.
thankyou! I'm such a stress head and always think the worst... I am going to try and aim for his visitation to be at a contact centre supervised..