Please bare with me as this may be long :/.. My son is 13 (14 toward end of year) and has always been a handful! He has ALOT of issues since birth, has been diagnosed as being on the Autism spectrum among a few other things. Physically he is fine but emotionally and learning wise he is very developmental delayed..He is in year 8 this year at school but in a support class as mentally I think he is at the same level as an average kid of say 6 years old.. His speech is far from excellent but is improving and getting a bit better to understand. We currently see a Paediatrician, on a waiting list for a (decent) speech therapist where we are rural. Now me and his dad have split up a few years ago and I have a new partner who I have been with for over 3 years now.. my son lives with us full time except for every or every 2nd weekend he will say with his dad (all live in the same town) and school holidays he will stay with him because dear daddy doesn't have to work and can watch him while I work full time.. at home it's just myself, partner and son.. but at his dad's he has all his (large) family with numerous kids so he has plenty of cousins to hang around with at the times he is there.. now my problem is that ds has a real attitude problem here at home with me.. barely speaks, grunts and pretty much always in a foul mood.. Some days he can be absolutely fine but these are few and far between now that he is a teenager! Except at daddy's he is fine, I think it is because there he has no rules or boundaries, no discipline or routine where as at home he does so transitioning him back and forth brings me down! Just yesterday I learned that he has stolen something as such (not the first time either) and no amount of talking to him gets through! He knows right from wrong and even though he has background issues I am in no way condoning that he is the way he is because he has problems! I have told him he is grounded for a week, no tv/ xbox etc but he just cries and carries on for hours!! I am seriously over all of this crap I have to deal with its starting to bring me down that I am seriously considering letting him live with his dad full time even though their lifestyle is hardly ideal or role modeling.. they don't work, have kids every minute it seems (why work?!) and unfortunately have a lot of bad habits that is rubbing off on all the kids in the family including my ds.. now I know if my son were to have the option he would jump at the chance to live with his dad and other family because as I mentioned before no rules routines etc.. it breaks my heart that my son doesn't love me as he should but it as always been this way not just since we've split up. Always rather listen to dad then mum. What do I do?!
3 Replies
You never give up on your kids.
My son has an unusual neurological condition and even as an adult he can have meltdowns etc.
but they are our kids. It's hard work having kids. And it's our job to get them prepared for life wether they like us for it or not.
Things that I do to help our bond though is making sure punishments are short rather than go on for a really long time, as I find 1-2 days has the same effect as a week and easier to follow through on. Also make sure we do loads of fun stuff with him that isn't dependent on behaviour. I find I get better behaviour when it's not all punishment. BTW that's not necessarily stuff I find fun, but that he finds fun.
He's only at dads on weekends. Weekends and holidays are usually more relaxed than school days. If he went there permanently maybe he would notice boundaries/rules? I wouldn't be letting him go because you feel unloved/unappreciated. It's our job to love them, not their job to love us... Kids are hard work, work on it with him and enjoy your 'me' time when he is at dads. DS has learned the different boundaries at school to home; he can learn the one's between mums and dads... Good luck mumma
My autistic kids behave beautifully for dad, they're too scared not to
It doesn't always mean things are better over there or he loves dad more, it could just be he's more comfortable letting it all out at home with you