Hi ladies, any experience or advice is appreciated. I'm at my wits end with my DD3yrs. I have been a full time working mum since she was born with her father looking after her. He has now gone back to work also. I recently went away for a month for work and since coming back Every morning and day when I leave for work or get home she clings to me and screams. I have calmly told her that mummy is home now not going away anymore. The tantrums lead to her hurting me. She just wants my attention and no one else's. She doesn't have behavioral issues and her childcare teachers say she's a pleasant happy girl. Until she sees me. I don't know what I'm asking but am I doing something wrong? Her dad works too but she doesn't behave like this with him. If I'm not around she's happy but when I am No one exists but me. People are shocked at how she behaves around me and it's not pushing buttons it's just wanting to be picked up, constantly held, constantly wanting me to get her something. At bed she won't go to sleep other then with me. In the mornings she cries and screams 'no mummy don't go to work'. I can't walk away and get her what she wants as she will start to scream and throw tantrums. It's just horrible. She won't go near her dad when he tries to help and starts screaming at him 'no mummy do it'. I'm just at my end with it. I've tried ignoring, time out, doing things together like having a bath, playing just anything together but she just wants to be held. I'm calm and not stressed about this in front of her but just having a hard time understanding how to tackle this. Is this just a phase? What do I do? Am I doing something wrong?
3 Replies
Honey, you went away FOR A MONTH. Do you know how long that is for a 3 year old? Now she is worried that it could happen again. Any minute, you could disappear! How scary for her.
I'd say she is having some very real anxiety about you leaving her. She doesn't understand that it was a one off, and wouldn't be able to use reasoning - she's too young.
Get a referral to a good child psychologist. This isn't going away on its own.
Oh my goodness ... can you take some time off and give her a few weeks off daycare and just full time Mum it for a bit? She needs you. She's trying to scream that to you in the only way a 3 year old can.
I would suggest stop with the time outs and ignoring her, give her your time, do the things she's asking you to do, if she screams when you go to grab her something she's asking for, pick her up and take her with you by doing this you will be showing her she can count on you. I also wonder about how you left, did you tell her you were going away and say goodbye or did you just leave when she was asleep, or while she was doing something else (this could be why she's so scared you're going to leave)