Hi,
Has anyone else felt torn between wanting to look 'perfect' and wanting to love their bodies the way they are?
I've spent nights online crying and looking at tummy tucks and breast implants/lifts because I don't want to put myself through all the pain (or pay for it) but I'm so uncomfortable with my body. None of my friends have had babies and neither have most of my casual social group and I feel like I don't fit in.
On the other side, my body made a baby and that's really cool and I want to embrace it and love it just how it is but I'm so scared of future partners (I'm a single mum) comparing me to the women they've been with who don't have post-baby bodies.
Does anyone have good tips for learning to love my lopsided boobs and my floppy tummy? I'd much prefer that than spending money/time on procedures I don't really want.
8 Replies
I found myself a single mum at 21. I went from a dancers body to saggy boobs, an overhang and stretch marks everywhere.
I can tell you now, it has never ever stopped me having new partners and it's never been a problem in my relationships.
Guys really don't care about that stuff and the few that do, are not keepers anyway.
Women are much harder on ourselves than men are. In fact a lot of guys find a mum body incredibly sexy.
It took me a few years to realise that my mum body didn't define who I was and who would want to be with me.
I've had some very hot boyfriends!!! I released them back to the wild though lol
look up constance hall on fb, she is an amazing woman/mother, really inspiring and tells it how it is, promise you wont regret it she is awesome I read her stuff every time she posts and i always either have a good laugh or feel heaps better about motherhood issues in general
I would suggest a three-pronged approach: carve out some time for self-care (hard, living on one income and being a single mum), do your hair, nails, get some clothing that fits you and flatters your body; try to do some exercise that you enjoy and helps you appreciate what your body can DO; get some counselling, talk to someone about your fears around getting intimate with other people and how you can feel more comfortable with that.
I'm 40 and I've struggled with this for almost half my life. Only now can I honestly say that I know I'm not attractive but that's okay. That's only part of me. I am a great cook. I'm a loyal friend, a loving mother. I'm intelligent, strong and I have important work to do for my family and my clients. My stretch marks and cellulite don't stop me from doing anything except having a great sex life and to be honest, that's maybe an hour per week. So I have 167 other hours per week in which to live. So, perspective!
I don't quite understand what you mean about sex? I have a very high sex drive and don't want my feelings about my body to impact on that.
That's how it manifests for me: it's different for everyone but that's my thing. I don't enjoy sex because I think my body is horrible. I wouldn't like to have sex with me! I'm as judgemental as anyone lol ?
I wasted so many years thinking I had skinny to be pretty, I used to starve myself for the size 8 to 10 figure. And guess what ? The guy Im happily in love with has taken me on with my size 12 to 14 figure and my two kids. I have stretch marks, saggy boobs, horrible teeth and a spare tyre yet he thinks im sexy still. maybe you need a confidence boost. When you can buy a nice outfit, get your hair done, add in a daily walk and do stuff that makes you feel good. That should help you feel more sexy and happier. But if surgury is for you, then go for it
After 16 years and three kids I'm finally biting the bullet and having A tummy tuck in August (yay 6months to go) at the end of the day I've never been happy with my body even before having the kids and this is something I'm doing purely for myself. Hubby is amazing and loves me the way I am flabby belly and all.
Do what's best for you and I think we are all guilty of comparing ourselves to others.....just remember they might all look trim and tidy in their clothes (yay for spanks) but often once someone's naked it's a completely diffrent story ?