I have good kids. The last 6 months have been crazy, I've returned to work part time, we've moved & almost finished renovating the new place.
Due to renos we weren't able to go and do much fun stuff over the holidays.
We're explaining to the kids that once the renos are done we will start doing fun things as a family.
I have booked a weekend away & bought tickets to a theme park, and showed the kids. We are also having their birthday parties next weekend.
Yet the last 2 or 3 weeks they have been pushing buttons and not listening. I'm at cracking point and so very tempted to cancel the parties and even cancel our weekend away.
Hubby & I are looking forward to getting away and having fun, yet the kids attitudes have us asking why should we bother?
I know a lot has changed for them lately. We are trying to teach them that if you work hard and do the right thing, you can have fun and do fun things. Also if you don't do the right thing your actions have consequences that affect others not just themselves.
I'm wanting to cry and hide away from them. I'm feeling terrible, I'm trying my best to stay calm, yet I'm losing it nearly everyday. I'm explaining that them not listening hurts my feelings and not doing the right thing.
Think it's worse because they are usually great kids.
6 Replies
It's not the kids fault things got busy, with renovations etc. kids don't need expensive stuff, they need attention, time to blow off steam, go to the park, a water fight in the back yard.
Yes kids are going to be little shits at times but cancelling a holiday and parties is just too extreme in my opinion and will just perpetuate the current status. Punishment and rewards for kids need to be immediate and over and done with. Loosing a holiday or party will just lead to more boredom, more frustration, more bad behaviour and more anger. What's the point in that???
Kids don't get that mum and dad don't have time for us, but in a few weeks they will take us on a holiday, they don't have long term planning, they are kids. I know adults who don't get that concept.
You seem like you might be a little bit overwhelmed with all the changes yourself. Drop the threats about not doing the trip and focus on one day at a time. Set up system where the kids have clear boundaries. A warning for an undesirable behavior then if they continue the behaviour a proper timeout. You pick the spot. They sit still and be quiet before you set the timer. When they are silent you say " I have put you in a timeout for being _______ ( rude, disrespectful, hitting ect) and you can stay here for 5 minutes. If they move away or speak you reset the timer and start again until they have done the full 5 min in silence. Then you ask them to apologize and drop the subject. Repeat anytime they start the undesirable behaviour. Its so simple but it works.
And try to model the behaviour you want to encourage.
I like the sounds of this, but what do you do when you say it's time to go to the time out spot, and they shout, "NO!" and this goes on repeatedly? Once my daughter gets into meltdown mode it's all over...
So she has a meltdown? She'll learn that everyone ignores her and it doesn't get what she wants. It sounds harsh but with a kid with ASD on the spectrum myself sometimes the meltdowns happen and as long as they are safe doing it they do pass.
Yep. My miss 7 has a feral temper and at times will pinch, bite, hit, kick, scratch, spit and swear while bolting around the house trying to avoid a timeout. If you stay calm (very difficult but very important ) and keep returning them to the spot and repeat, repeat, repeat then they will give in. Good luck.