Hi all,
I'm at the end of my rope with my 5yr old son! I'm 7wks pregnant and scared I could loose the bub with all stress and anxiety he causes me! We have lost 4 bubs in the past and have a 21month old daughter as well and she he a perfect little girl. I'm starting to despise him, I'm starting to feel I'm favoring my daughter over him and I don''t want this to happen. When he was younger he was a gentle, sweet, well mannered boy. The last year he has been uncontrollable. His school principal asked me at the end of last year to have him assessed for his behaviour. She is concerned that his learning will suffer. We have an appointment on the 18th of Feb. I doesn't wait for anything and I mean anything! He is currently in his room for 10mins time out and there is nothing in there other than his bed...he has lost all his toys through his behaviour...doesn't seem to bother him though. Anyway, he is saying he can't wait much longer, he can't stay here all day! (Oh yes he can) I hate waiting! each time he says that, he adds 2mins...he knows this any it doesn't change a thing!
We started a clean diet this week and I was seeing a positive change in his behaviour and listening...I had my hopes up for no reason! :-(
Does anyone have any idea's on what else I can try to get his behaviour until control!
I think I'm more scared about loosing our bub than anything else at the moment.
Any advice would be great.
4 Replies
I used to work in a specialist clinic that works with kids with behavioural difficulties. Any advice I could give you could/would make things worse.
Your focus needs to be getting him to that appointment, I'd be ringing and begging to see if they can get him in faster.
But without a full assessment/diagnosis and a functional assessment of all behaviour(s) any suggestions even if they would work long term, will cause a behaviour spike (when you intro a new behavioural strategy the behaviour usually gets worse initially as the child tries harder to make the behaviour work for them, then the behaviour suddenly drops off). So a new plan is best done under supervision.
Honestly if I was you, and I have a child with autism, so I get it, pick your battles. If it's not going to harm him or harm anyone else let him do it. If he wants something and it's going to cause world war 3 let him have it (with in reason). Pick your battles, take the pressure off. Only say no or punish for things that are dangerous.
Thank you...I haven''t been told about the pick the battles thing! Maybe I'll start doing that today! I'm just so tired and over the whole process...some mornings I don't want to get up because I know, from as soon as I go into the kitchen it will be on! My daughter is the perfect little girl...she keeps be grounded, if it wasn't for her, I have no idea were I would be now! Last night, I wanted to just pick her up and walk out...but I can't, dad works nights and I could never live with myself if I ever did that!
things can get better once you get help, but the picking battles thing makes a huge difference.
It's impossible when a child comes in to work on all of there behaviours all at once. So we pick the most concerning and don't worry if they eat dessert but not dinner etc. once the most concerning a dealt with then eating dinner will become a priority. Otherwise the child feels like they are in trouble or being corrected ALL the time and they decide they might as well continue the terrible behaviour because they are going to get in trouble in 2secs for something else anyway.
I really feel for you. Please try to step back from the situation and just try and see your son as a little person who has an emotional problem not a naughty boy who is just doing things to hurt you. Its never like that. You need to stop comparing your children they are two different people and he will notice. It is usually our reaction to a situation that causes the most trouble. Look into anxiety being the trigger, low self esteem can also result from being "the naughty kid" as well. Which can make the behaviour worse. Go to the appointment with an open mind and heart and have the courage to look at how your reaction to initial behaviours could of made things worse. We can't change what we don't acknowledge. I speak from experience, I made ALL the mistakes.